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“I don’t know Ali, you tell me.” He says with a sparkle in his eyes as he takes my hand from my wine glass and places it directly on the bulge in his black jeans.
Fucking hell, he’s huge! I can feel a lot through his jeans. Damn. Also, he’s hard. Why is he hard, sitting here talking to me? Fuck.
Hang on, I shouldn’t be having these thoughts. Not about anyone. Certainly not about Max.
“Cat got your tongue Angel?” he teases, and I quickly move my hand away from his crotch. I can’t even meet his eyes as I feel my cheeks flush crimson.
“Angel, there’s no need to blush. If I’ve learnt anything it’s that life’s far too short to stop you getting and giving exactly what you want.”
I dare myself to raise my head from studying the delightful pattern on the carpet to meet his eyes again. “What do you mean?”
“I’m saying why do we stop this? Every time? The fun, the flirtation? We both know it’s what we want, to at least fucking explore it.”
“You know the answer to that, because you’re you. Super star, hail to the king rock god Max Baines. And I’m supposed to be your manager.” I remind him, although I am surprised that he’s talking about it out loud. That elephant was sometimes so small in the room that I thought I was the only one to ever really notice it.
“Ali.” My heart beats a little faster at the nickname only he gets away with using. “We’re older now. We’re wiser. I’m not a spunky teenager anymore.”
“Yes, but you’re still a rock star with a revolving door.” I remind him.
“True. Yeah.” He muses. “But there’s a point in all guys’ lives when that’s not enough. Not what they really crave. Finch has hit it, we both know he’s sneaking around with somebody he shouldn’t be on this tour, but he’s clearly infatuated with said person whoever she is. And Bobby, he knew his life needed Em in it long before even she did.”
“And you?” I ask tentatively. My breath hitching as he leans in a little closer to me. His hand travelling up my thigh. Just having his hand on my body is setting me completely on fire.
“You. Angel, I need you. I want you. I want a life where it’s ok that we work together, and we make love together. Work hard. Play harder.” He says, on a long breath, his eyes fixed solely on mine.
His hand keeps travelling up my thigh, my breathing gets laboured as my brain wants my mouth to spill out all of the reasons why this is the stupidest idea in the world.
It’s no shock that I’ve always wondered. I’ve always pondered what life could be like with this man. If we gave in. If I let my insecurities shut down that I’m too chubby, I’m not pretty enough, I’m not famous enough to be on his arm. And I just let it.
He tips my chin in his fingers.
“Ali,” he breathes my name.
“Max. I think you’re the most amazing, unique fucking gorgeous man I’ve ever met. Your Angelic voice speaks to the world but the way you sing you’ve got this ability to make me feel like all of those words coming from your mouth are about me. I know we come from the same world but completely different sides of it.”
“Ali”. Max cuts me off. “Ali I’m going to kiss you now. It’s at this point you decide whether your morals are more important than your feelings.”
His lips move to mine. A soft brush. I let out a sigh into his mouth as my heartbeat rises, his hand travels closer up my thigh as I let his soft kiss take over all of my senses.
“Max.” I breathe his name as our lips part, it was barely a second’s connection. Maybe it wasn’t even a kiss and just a brush of our lips. Either way, it’s made me dizzy.
“Angel, you can’t tell me your world didn’t just light up, the earth spun at a different pace for just a few seconds. You tell me that and I’ll get up and leave. I’ll walk out of this bar and pretend it never happened. Go back to you being my manager and leave it at that.”
I say nothing. I can’t deny it. I can’t agree with him either.
“Tell me it meant nothing.” he implores me.
But more importantly I can’t lie to him. I’ve never been able to do that.
“I can’t do that.”I breathe.
* * *
