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CHAPTER 10:
George
Ivy’s breathing has finally slowed and settled into an even rhythm. She’s asleep. It takes me a while longer before I can shut my mind off. Mainly, I’m angry with myself for not protecting her better. I knew this would happen. Well, maybe not this particular scenario, but one that would upend everything. Now, because of me, Ivy’s relationship with her uncle is ruined. I don’t want her to have to give up those that she loves in order to be with me. No. I know what loss is all about. If I can spare her from that, I will. That’s what you do when you love someone. You protect them.
***
It’s morning, and the sun is beginning to peek above the horizon. Reaching for Ivy, I find her side empty. Sighing, I grab my robe and put it on, knowing this can’t be a good sign.
I find her curled up in a chair and wrapped in a blanket, staring out the window overlooking the city, holding a mug of coffee in her hands. “How long have you been up?”
She gives me a wan smile. “About an hour. I didn’t want to wake you with all of my tossing and turning, so I came out here.”
Pouring myself a cup of coffee, I join her, taking a seat in the chair next to her. Her eyes and nose are red from crying. “Ivy, it’ll be okay. Owen’s just angry right now. He can’t stay that way forever.” Even I doubt my own words as I say them. I saw his face when we left. I’ve been in some pretty intense meetings, and I’m not sure I have ever seen anyone look so angry.
She tugs the blanket more securely around herself. “You should have heard him, George. I’ve never seen him that angry in all my years.” She turns tortured eyes to me. “I lied to him. I let him down and betrayed his trust. He’s been so good to me all of these years, and I threw it in his face.” She looks off towards nothing. “How can I live with myself?”
“Ivy, you know it wasn’t like that. Yes, you lied, but your intent wasn’t malicious. It was really more to protect his feelings while we explored what’s been happening between us. I’m not sure if it would have even been possible to deny ourselves the opportunity to see where this might lead. The feelings are too strong. At least mine are.”
A hint of a smile ghosts her face. “Mine are, too.”
Reaching over, I take her hand in mine. “He’ll come around. You just have to give him some time.”
Her eyes drift across the view before us, seeing something else…remembering something else. “I don’t really remember my mom much, but there are a few things I do that I’ve tried to forget.”
I knew there was something more there to the story. “Like what?”
Ivy tugs at a loose string on the blanket. “Like the time she went out with some man and stayed gone a long time.”
“But you were seven when she died. Why would she leave you alone?”
Her eyes meet mine. “Exactly.”
“Oh,” I say quietly. “How long was she gone?”
“I’m not sure. It was so long ago,” Ivy says shaking her head. “It felt like forever. I finally went to the neighbor down the hall when I ran out of milk and cereal. My mom had always told me not to touch the stove, and that was all that was left to eat.”
That hits me hard. “That long.”
“She was so angry with me when she got back. Mainly, I think she was embarrassed that other people knew she had left me alone….not that she had left me alone, but that other people found out.” She pauses, her expression bleak. “I’ve never told anyone about that before, not even my aunt and uncle.”
“Did that happen a lot?” I’m almost afraid to know the answer.
“That happened not long before she died. It had happened before, but nothing like that time. I really thought she wasn’t coming back.” Ivy takes a sip of her coffee. “Then, one day, she didn’t.” She looks over at me. “Uncle Owen has never once let me down. I’ve always been able to count on him.” Tears once again fill her eyes. “And I’ve let him down now in the biggest of ways. He deserves better from me. I owe him everything!” Her shoulders shake as sobs once again overtake her.
Standing up, I scoop her into my arms and carry her over to the sofa. There’s nothing I can say, so I don’t. I just let her cry and talk when she wants. The whole time I keep wondering how on earth I can fix this.
***
I’ve just returned from my run. Ivy is still curled up on the sofa. I’ve got to do something to lift her spirits. “What do you say we go to the park?” I ask hopefully. “They’re having a Christmas concert today. It looks like it might be fun.” I cross my fingers that maybe she’ll agree. I tried to get her to go on my run with me earlier, but she just shook her head.
Her eyes cloud at my suggestion. “That sounds wonderful, but I think it would just depress me more now. You know, I was looking forward to this Christmas more than any before.” She studies the decorations around the penthouse sadly. “Part of me wants to skip it all now. I mean, what’s the point?”
Hearing her say that breaks my heart. “You don’t mean that. Look at me, Ivy.” Reluctantly, she meets my gaze. “You’ve given me so much this Christmas already. Please don’t walk away from it all now. Share it with me. I know what happened with your uncle hurts, but we’ll get through this…together. I’m not going anywhere, and I’m not letting you spend it alone in your head.”
She looks up at me, attempting a weak smile. “I’ll do my best.”
For some reason, that’s even worse. “Ivy, this isn’t about just me. You don’t have to work at it for me. I don’t wantusto miss this. I know how much you love Christmas. Don’t let this ruin it for you.”
