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For his ugly sweater, Asa chose a lush red with green bands up the arms. In the center, a reindeer looked out at us. But the pièce de résistance were the bold white words below the image.
Horny for the Holidays.
Once I could breathe again, I waved Asa back to his room. “I think we’ve seen enough.”
“I haven’t,” Colby pouted. “What did it look like?”
“Inappropriate,” Clay told her between laughs. “That’s what.”
“But wait…” Asa did his best Clay impression, “…it gets better.”
With one deft move, he pulled the sweater over his head, turning it inside out, then slid it on that way.
“Ha!” I smothered a laugh that Colby joined in, now that she could see too. “That is truly inspired.”
This side of the sweater was the same green but with a golden frame and a piece of mirrored plastic.
“Aim that at Clay,” I begged Asa, “and I’ll vote for you all day long.”
Humoring me, he turned toward Clay, who caught his reflection in the mirror. He used it as an opportunity to check his hair then winked at himself, pleased with what he saw.
Clearly, he didn’t get that whoever was reflected put the ugly in ugly Christmas sweater.
“It’s okay to be jealous.” Clay blew himself a kiss. “Not everyone can look this good.”
“Mmm-hmm.” I shook my head. “That sweater should have been yours.”
“And miss the chance to see myself?” He huffed. “What a waste that would have been.”
“Colby.” Asa slid past me. “Can I see you in the kitchen?”
Wings twitching with interest, she sailed over to him. “Sure.”
The two of them disappeared while Clay and I exchanged a look.
Asa returned a couple minutes later, eyes downcast, and stood beside me.
“Prepare to crown your queen,” Colby yelled. “Ready?”
“Ready,” we all chorused, and then Clay and I waited for the big reveal.
Cackling with glee, she swooped a lap through the room then lit on her favorite perch.
“You made this,” I murmured to Asa. “I want to call it ugly to fit the theme, but…”
Her entry was more of a vest, worn backwards. The design covered her stomach, and knitted straps rose from the neckline. They draped across the base of her wings and then snapped at the hem of the sweater. The yarn was several shades of green with silver threads to represent circuitry. I assumed it was circuitry. I wasn’t the expert here, but Colby seemed impressed with the details.
Or maybe she was in love with the bright gold letters that spelled out BYTE ME.
With a ten-year-old moth girl, it was hard to say which part impressed her the most.
The nod to her love of computers, or the brush with profanity I was allowing to pass.
“It’s ugly.” Clay shot me a pointed glance. “The ugliest sweater I’ve seen tonight.”
Taking the hint, I hurried to agree. “I was thinking along the lines of hideous.”
“Time to vote.” I passed around a cup and let everyone put in their piece of paper. “Now we shake.”
