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I curled a hand protectively over my stomach, feeling oddly defensive. “It’s too early for me to start showing. It’ll be months before you know anyone’s growing in there.”
“I was checking for a heartbeat.”
My heart fluttered. There wasn’t a shred of anger or disgust in his voice. It was far too gentle for that. “I don’t think we’ll be able to detect one for a few more weeks.”
“I’m a vampire. The second it starts, I will know. Already I can sense the spark of life inside you. Do you know how rare it is for a made vampire to father a child?”
I shook my head.
“It only happens once in a blue moon.”
“So why have you been so angry with me? It probably isn’t yours.”
He lifted his gaze, staring deep into my eyes. “Because I want it to be.”
“Caleb—”
“I can never give you what the others can. There’s no future for us, Sunday. Even if the babe is mine, I can’t be any kind of true father. Or partner to you, for that matter. So why pretend otherwise? It will only hurt us both.”
“Why can’t you?”
His eyes widened as he sat there with his mouth slightly open, as though a reason was on the tip of his tongue but he couldn’t force the words out. After a long moment stretched between us, he shrugged helplessly. “So many reasons, chiefly among them the fact that I am your professor. Whether you’re an adult or not, I’m still abusing my position of authority.”
“I don’t care that you’re my professor. I like it.”
“I won’t put your reputation and future at risk simply because I have so little control. You deserve more.”
“Well, I won’t be your student forever. And now that I’m pregnant, those days are seriously numbered as it is. So if that’s the main reason, you won't be able to cling to it for long.”
“There are more. None of which I care to discuss. I’m tired of meditating on my failings.”
“So why are you here then, Caleb, if you want nothing to do with me? With us.”
“Don’t you understand? I want everything to do with you. If I were a man, I’d already have made you mine, and we’d be celebrating our growing family. Instead I’m worried every waking moment about what this means for you, for the future.”
“Caleb,” I whispered, his declaration making my heart squeeze. There was so much self-loathing in his voice. I don’t think I’d ever met someone who hated themselves quite as much as Caleb. And I knew part of it was my fault. I wish he could see himself the way I did. That he would let me love him. I leaned forward, intent on crawling over to him. “Please don’t shut me out of your life. I love—”
“Don’t say it. I can’t bear to hear the words from you if I can’t say them back.”
My throat tightened with tears. I hated that loving me caused him so much pain. “I understand why we can’t be physical. I respect it. But it’s not all about sex. Don’t deny me our intimacy, Caleb. What we have is too important to me. I can’t lose it. I can’t loseyou.”
“I will come here and watch over what’s mine. My protection is all I can offer you. I ruin everything I touch. So I will watch and guard from a distance. It’s the only way I can keep you safe.”
“That’s fine. The chair won’t move from that corner if that’s what you want.”
One brow rose. “Who do you think picked out that bloody chair?”
“Really?”
“Aye,a stor. Try as I might, I can’t be apart from you, even if it hurts. I may not be able to be with you, but I am still yours.”
I didn’t realize how badly I needed to hear him say that out loud. Warmth curled through me, filling me, if not with happiness, at least with contentment. “You don’t have to stay in that corner, you know. Lie here with me, Caleb. Just until I fall asleep.”
A flicker of indecision crossed his features, sending a flurry of fear settling in my heart.
“Please take care of me, Daddy.”
His only response was a tortured groan before he crawled up to where I sat and wrapped me in his arms, curling his powerful body around my back. “You’ll be my damnation, Sunday Fallon.”
