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“Yeah, I said that last year, before you got sick.I wanted you to take some time to reconnect with your wolf instead of spending all your time working.”
“I work all the time because the Lodge needs me, and the clan needs me.”
“They need you to take care of yourself.”
“How challenging is the shift?”I said, interrupting their sniping.When no one answered, I turned to Dr.Barnes.“Can you explain how it feels to you?”
Red darkened his neck.“I’m, uh, not a shifter.”
“You’re not?”
“I never found my stone.Or at least, I never found one that worked,” he said sheepishly.“I tried a thousand times when I was young.”
“It happens.Rarely, but it happens,” Melinda said.“We’re grateful to Dr.Barnes that he is a part of our community in another way.”
Sympathy washed over me.Watching everyone around him become a shifter while he stayed stubbornly human must have been torture for a young Dr.Barnes.I didn’t want to make him talk about what was clearly a painful subject.“Would you say it’s harder or easier than, say, running up a flight of stairs?”
Dominic tilted his head.“That’s a good comparison.If you’re in good shape, it’s not very hard at all, but if you’re sick or injured it can be much more taxing.”
“I’ve heard of this happening before,” Dr.Barnes put in.“Sometimes when a shifter is ill, they lose connection to their wolf.But they usually regain their ability once they’ve recovered.”
I hadn’t encountered that in my father’s research, but he certainly didn’t know everything about shifters.He hadn’t understood the heartstone connection.Even as I’d answered his question about an external activator for the ability to shift, a thousand new questions had spilled from those answers.For the first time, it truly made sense to me how my father might lose a lifetime to shifters.
I haven’t been shifting as much in the past few years, it’s true,“ Melinda said.“I don’t have time.There’s always so much to do.It’s important for young shifters to do it frequently, but I’m older, and so is my wolf.I’m not breeding, I’m not mated...I just figured, why bother?”
“Because you need to do something just for pleasure for once in your damned life,” Dominic exploded.“Because you are more than the Alpha.You are a person who needs someone to love her, and you won’t let anyone take care of you because you’re too busy taking care of all of us.”
Dominic spun to the wall and tented his head in his hands.Melinda looked down and away.
Dr.Barnes and I shared another look.I’m sure he’d been privy to as many emotional outbursts and private confessions as I had.When people are ill, the truth comes out.
“You’re right, Dom.As usual,” Melinda said with a bitter little laugh.Though Dominic didn’t turn from the wall, I could see him listening.“It’s your job to take care of me.And it’s my job to do what has to be done, even if it’s painful.”
“Melinda, don’t,” Dominic said.But it was too late.The heartstone in her hand flared with light, and her whole body pulsed like her organs had pressed against her bones.“Stay back,” Dominic warned us as he braced himself to grab her.
Melinda howled.It was a horrible sound, like her throat was reforming itself around the vibration.Her ears were lengthening while her head shrank, her face bulging monstrously.Jasper had transformed in an instant, but this seemed to take an eternity.I could see her skin stretching, her bones cracking.
She gasped in pain, her claw-tipped fingers tearing deep gouges into the examining table.I watched with horror as, with an agonized yowl, her face froze in the middle of the transformation.She moaned in agony.
“Melinda, can you hear me?”Dominic pleaded.“You need to push through, baby.You can push through.”
Melinda looked at him, eyes rolling, then shook her head.“No,” she gasped.“Can’t.Dom, can’t.”
“Come back to me, then,” he said, rubbing her shoulders.“Come back to me.”
With a groan, the transformation retreated.For a horrified moment, I thought she might not come back to her human form, but slowly her features settled back into their normal position.Once she was fully human, she collapsed forward.
“Melinda,” Dominic said, taking her in his arms and refusing to step aside for me or Dr.Barnes.“Talk to me, baby.Tell me you’re alright.”
“I couldn’t do it,” she said.Even though her voice was muffled by Dominic’s chest, I could hear the defeat and exhaustion.“I couldn’t find my wolf.For nearly fifty years, she’s always been there, but we couldn’t…I couldn’t…she slipped away from me.”
“Dom, we need to check her vitals,” Ethan said gently.Dominic pulled back, but Melinda clung to his hand.As Ethan listened to her heart, Dominic kissed her fingers and held on tight.
I was shocked by what I’d seen, my mind already reeling with the implications.But watching Melinda lean on Dominic stirred another emotion in me I didn’t completely recognize.It wasn’t jealousy, exactly; it was a bone-deep yearning for someone I could lean on.Someone who would snipe at me and support me, someone who wanted what was best for me even when we didn’t agree on what that was.
Jasper flashed in my mind.He always seemed to be two steps ahead of me, as if he’d analyzed what I’d do and developed a countermeasure.I didn’t want him to manage me, but I didn’t mind that he thought about what I’d want and did his best to provide it.But he wasn’t offering me that sort of relationship.There was no point in letting myself want something that was so obviously out of my reach.
Melinda was sagging now, clearly exhausted after her attempted shift.The frown on Ethan’s face as he checked her over told me all I needed to know.She’d pushed herself too far, only furthering her weakened state.And for what?Because of my curiosity?
My mother was right.I didn’t belong here.
