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“I had to.It was the best way to prove my family that they could trust you.And there was never a choice, not for me.”
Her face crumpled “So you wouldn’t choose me?”
“No, fuck, I’m screwing this up so bad.”I could feel everything I wanted slipping away from me because I’d tried to hold on too tight.I gave into what I wanted and went to my knees so I could take her hands in mine.“When I say there wasn’t a choice, I mean that once I met you, everything changed.I used to pride myself on my ability to control the things that happened around me.But you saw right through me from the start.More than that, you saw how much work I was doing to control everything—and everyone.You called me out on it.I’d never thought about it before.Now I think about it all the time.”
“Because you do it all the time.”
Her hair was frizzy, her eyes exhausted.She was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.“I’m trying to change.At least I’m aware of it now.And you know I’m not trying to manage you right now, because if I was I’d be doing a better job of it.”
That earned me a faint smile that gave me courage to continue.“I should have told you about being fated, but I was worried that you’d see it as a trap.Like I had tricked you into staying here with me.”
“Why would you have to trick someone into staying with you?”
“I can’t ask you to do that.I can’t ask you to leave your career.I can’t ask you to…”
“You can’t ask me to stay?”She took my face in her hands.I was already on my knees, but the look on her face practically laid me out.“Jasper.Why can’t you ask for what you want?”
When I didn’t reply, she sighed.“I see you ordering everyone around, insisting you know what’s best for them.Oddly enough, it never seems to be about what is best foryou.Since you were a boy, you’ve been doing the work of a man.You had to take care of your mom and your brothers.You had to sacrifice for them, and I think somewhere along the line you decided that love is your reward for that sacrifice.So you kept giving—your time, your energy, your whole life.And you forgot to ask yourself what you wanted for yourself.”
“I can’t give you up,” I said hoarsely.“I told myself I could.That I could marry someone who was right for my clan, instead of right for me.Then I saw you again and I knew it had been a lie, that I would have yearned for you every day of my life and it would have eaten me alive.So then I told myself that I’d let you go for your sake, so you wouldn’t have to give up everything you’ve worked for.I thought that—what’s this?”I’d just noticed the bruises on her arm, five pinpoints around her wrist that formed the imprint of hard fingers.“Did Dr.Barnes do this to you?”
“I don’t heal as fast as you do,” she said.“It could have been much worse.I was wearing two layers of clothes, so his claws didn’t puncture the skin.”
I covered my face with my hands.“See?This is exactly what I’m talking about.You were hurt.You were hurt because you’re fated to be with me, and that puts you in harm’s way.”
“Oh, so you gave Ethan the idea to turn himself into a monster?You forced him to try and kill all of us?”
“No.”
“If I remember you correctly, you put yourself in harm’s way for me.You and Micah and your mother all fought for me—foughtwithme—to stop him from killing us all.”
“You wouldn’t have been there if it wasn’t for me.”
She puffed out her annoyance.“Sure.I would also never have seen the mountains without you, or ridden a horse, or had the best sex of my life.I wouldn’t know that there’s a whole world of magic under the surface of what I thought was madness.I wouldn’t know you, or your family.That room with Dr.Barnes, that was fifteen minutes of horror.I’ll trade that for fifty years of happiness.”
Fifty years.Our future rolled out before me: late nights in bed, early mornings over coffee, winters and summers, with her at my side.
She was right, I didn’t know how to let myself have something that I wanted so much.“It’s not over.Dr.Barnes, Theo…this is only the beginning.”
“If it’s going to happen, it’ll happen whether I’m here or not.If I’m here, I can help.If I’m not, I can only suffer.Do you want me to suffer?”
“Of course not.”
“Just tell me what you want, Jasper.Just ask me to do something for you.”
I kissed each of her bruises, then her palms.She stroked my face, waiting.The hope inside me had expanded, threatening to explode.“I want you to stay.I want you to stay with me, here, and join my family.Join my clan.Join my life.I want you with me every night so I don’t have to dream of you.I want your happiness and fulfillment and satisfaction.I want everything, all of you, forever.”
Her smile spread across her face like sunrise.“Okay, sounds good.Let’s do it.”
I couldn’t breathe.She was right, I didn’t know how to deal with getting exactly what I wanted.My instinct was to explain to her why staying with me was a bad idea.“Be sure,” I ground out.“If you do this, there’s no going back.”
“You said that to me once before.I’ll tell you again—it’s already too late for me to go back.I love you, Jasper.Even if it was fate that made me feel that way, I feel it more intensely than anything I’ve ever experienced.I’d already decided not to go back to Baltimore.This is where I belong.With you.”
I couldn’t keep my mouth off hers.I needed to taste those words, inhale them.“I love you too,” I said.“I’ve only known you a few weeks, but I’ve loved you my entire life.And I’m going to do everything I can to make up for what you’re sacrificing.”
“I’m not sacrificing anything, Jasper.I get your family.I get this place.”She stroked my face.“I get to know that you’re mine, and you feel like I do.I’m not alone.”
“You’ll never be alone again,” I said, kissing her again.“But what about your job?”
I’ve been thinking about that,“ she said.“It seems like Twisted Pines needs a new doctor.”
