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“STERLING? PLEASE SITdown. You’re burning a hole in the carpet. He’s okay; he’s strong.” I held out my hand for him, wishing he would relax for even a moment.
His fingers were cold as they laced with mine. “This is why he should’ve just gone into a home. I should’ve never backed down from that.”
Confusion swept over me, even if this wasn’t the first time he mentioned it. “This could have still happened in a home. He’s been doing so good.”
“Has he, really?” he snapped. “Coughing fits, he’s not sleeping, he fell at home. He needs to have full-time professional care.”
“I get that I’m not a professional, but he has been doing good, Sterling. Like I said this could have happened anywhere. Hey,” I touched his face to turn his gaze toward me. “Talk to me. He’s okay.”
“Fuck. Fuck!” He pulled away sharply, sitting down and dropping his head to his hands. “I can’t fucking do this again, Zeppelin. I can’t.”
“Baby,” I whispered sadly, rubbing his upper back as comforting as I could. “What can’t you do? Please talk to me, let me help.”
He flinched, shoulder twitching under my hand. “Look, it’s just a hip ... today. But the day it’s not? I found my mom, Zeppelin. My dad was at work and they had their own place and I’d done their taxes for them like I always did. I went there to drop them off. It was just supposed to be a quick visit.” He paused, curling his fingers in his hair and tugging. “She didn’t answer the door so I let myself in. She wasn’t in the living room, so I went to the kitchen to see if she was there. There was ... blood all over the edge of the counter and her body was just ... laying there.”
My heart shattered into a million pieces for him. So many things suddenly made sense: how protective and stressed he was with everything regarding Charlie, how he still wanted me to check in regularly even though I’ve been working for them for months, the fear in his eyes when he walked in the hospital. All of it was linked to how he found his mother, and how terrified he was to find his father. “Sterling,” I said, trying to find the right words to say but every time I tried I came up short. I pulled him in to hold him, knowing that no words could take away his pain, but just being here for him could help. “I’m so sorry.”
“She was healthy. Perfectly fucking healthy, and she still had a heart attack. Hit her head on the counter on her way down and it was over. I took my dad in because he was grieving and devastated, but he promised me in a few years, he’d be ready to go somewhere nice where he could be looked after properly. Then he put that fucking ad out there without asking me and here we are.” He leaned in, squeezing my hand. “I’m not saying you don’t do a good job, Zepp. I’m saying I can’t find another one of my parents like that, and I can’t put it on you, either.”
I nodded, needing him to know that I understood as well as I could. “I can’t imagine how this feels for you, baby. I’m not going to pretend I do. We’ll get him back home and then figure it all out, okay? I think after this, Charlie might be more open to it than before.” You shouldn’t have to live in fear.
“And how fucked is it of me to hide my own father away somewhere because I can’t accept the fact that he’s going to die some day?” he asked, bitterness in his voice. “God, I have to be the worst son in history.”
The hospital waiting room faded away, the bustling nurses and families too, everything but him and me. I climbed into his lap so he could melt into my chest and held him for so long my legs were tingling, but I didn’t care. He needed me, I could feel it. “You are one of the best sons I’ve ever met. Do you know how many people would actually take in their parents these days? It’s less than you think and you moved out of your master bedroom so he could have a close bathroom. You took him in and you worked around him and gave him some great years. You stayed close to be his sunflower when the sun isn’t shining. Sterling, you have to know the good you’ve done here. You’ve gone above and beyond.”
The mention of his mother’s words had him shaking and breaking down in my arms. I wondered if he’d cried at all since he’d found her — if he’d let himself grieve, or if he’d put his walls up right away and left all of that pain to fester. But I’d never ask. All I could do was hold him and let him release all of that back into the universe, because my man had carried it long enough. I knew I’d never leave Charlie’s side, but now I knew I’d never leave Sterling’s, either.
These Bishops were stuck with me.
I held him and tried to shield him from those around us until he was finally settled, finally breathing normally again. He pulled back to look at me with blotchy cheeks and tears still clinging to his long eyelashes, but he looked ... better. Calmer. “Thank you. I think I owe you a raise,” he said quietly.
I wiped under his right eye with my thumb and leaned in to kiss his lips once, smiling softly at him as he stared at me with a look I couldn’t place. “Not at all. This isn’t your caretaker talking, it’s just me”
“Still. I’ve given you an incredibly hard time since you started with us, and I’m sorry. I also at least acknowledge that it took me three tries to tell you the entirety of why I hate Caffrey Brannigan, but now you know all of it. There’s only one more secret I’m keeping, and that one isn’t really from you.”
He really had given me a hard time but didn’t hold that against him. I wasn’t sure if I should ask about his last secret, but I just couldn’t help it. “What secret is that? Since it’s not from me and all.”
“At the risk of sounding like an even bigger selfish dickhead, I kept my parents’ house. I was supposed to sell it when he moved in with me, but I couldn’t do it. I’m not really sure why. I can’t set foot in the fucking thing after finding her there, but sometimes I go sit on the porch swing when I need ten minutes to myself. I should’ve told him. I should’ve, I know that. But I thought if he knew, he’d never let me move him somewhere that could actually help him.”
Picturing him going there alone made my chest ache. “Does Ollie know?”
“I tried to tell him, but I’m honestly not sure he heard me,” he said quietly. “He shuts down pretty thoroughly when he starts to feel things, and I’ve never seen him there, so I’m not sure whether it matters if he knows or not.”
I nodded, feeling bad for all three of the Bishop men. I placed a hand on his cheek and stared into his gorgeous blues. “Maybe we can take Charlie there? I think it could be good for you both and ... I’d love to be by your side for it if you’ll let me.”
“As if either one of us could do it without you.” He kissed me slowly, no tongue or heat this time, just ... grounding. Sweet. Like he needed the comfort and for me to know that this was more than a middle-of-the-night hookup. “But I think you should probably get off my lap, sweetheart. People are staring.”
“Are they?” I bit my lip. “This has quickly become one of my favorite seats.” But still, I got off his lap and sat next to him, our fingers laced together tightly as I sent Jake a text to let him know we wouldn’t be back for Carl for a while. We weren’t going anywhere anytime soon, and with Ollie’s plane not landing until two in the morning, Sterling and I were in for a long night.
A very long night.
