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Hannah
I don’t care that Gertrude is currently lecturing me about professionalism and socializing at work. My heart is too broken over the fact that, for a moment—a split second in time—I thought that, perhaps, Seth cared for me. I thought he was going to kiss me. I was simultaneously exhilarated and terrified by the anticipation coursing through my body. I hoped that he would tell me he loves me the way that I love him.
But he didn’t.
He didn’t really say anything. Did he really only come here to get a silly confession out of me?
I convinced myself long ago that I had stopped hoping he’d someday return my love, but it’s clear that I haven’t, or this wouldn’t hurt so much. When Chris told me to talk to Seth, I thought that he must have known something that I didn’t. But things never change. I’m still sitting here with a broken heart over the same man who has been unknowingly stomping it into the dirt for the last decade. I can’t even blame him. He doesn’t know how I feel—how I’ve felt for what is starting to feel like an eternity. Loving Seth is starting to feel like my own personal purgatory.
I can’t do this anymore. I can’t sit here and wait for him to look at me and realize that I’m the girl of his dreams. It’s time to accept that it’s never going to happen…again. I’ve tried so many times, but it’s going to stick this time. It has to.
Gertrude is finally done scolding me, and she leaves the room. I allow myself two good minutes to cry, and then I wipe my tears from my cheeks and finish setting up the room for the teen program later.
When I’m done with that, it’s time for me to head home for the day. I sneak out quietly, avoiding everyone. I don’t want anyone, Millie especially, seeing my puffy eyes and asking questions. She wouldn’t leave me alone until she managed to wring a complete confession out of me, and I can’t deal with that right now. I don’t want to be coddled, because that will only make me cry more.
I arrive home and slip inside, tiptoeing to my room. It is officially my room. Colby has accepted that I am staying here indefinitely, as have I. This weekend, he’ll be helping me move the few belongings that didn’t get destroyed by the fire from my bedroom at my rental house, and I’ll now be helping him cover his mortgage payment. It’s not too shabby of a deal for him. I’m a quiet roommate…most of the time, if you look past my impromptu dance parties. I only ever do that when he’s gone now, though, since he threw a pillow at my head and knocked me over last time he saw me dancing around his living room. In all fairness, he had warned me to keep the dancing confined to my room.
I plop down on my bed and open up my laptop. I’ve been keeping an eye on some job listings in Austin for the last few weeks, but I haven’t had the right motivation to send my newly finished resumé until now. I’ve received the sign I’ve been waiting on that it’s officially time to move on with my life.
I don’t really want to leave Waverly. It’s my home. I’ve lived here my entire life. My family is here; my friends are here. And moving will make it much harder to open up my bookstore. Renting a building will be much more expensive in a place like Austin.
But for the sake of my heart, I have to leave. I’ll never be able to meet a man and fall in love with him if Seth is always right in front of me. It sounds an awful lot like running, but I like to think of it more as running toward freedom than running from my problems. And who knows, maybe I can come back to Waverly after I’m good and over him.
No, that would never work. If I haven’t gotten over my girlhood crush by now, there will be no going back. If I ever do manage to get the man out of my heart, I’ll have to stay away from him completely or risk him worming his way back in there.
I hit send and cross my fingers that someone will call me for an interview.
I’m usually pretty great with kids. I would even dare to say amazing with them, actually. Tonight, however, is not one of my shining moments. I’m watching Tess’s girls, and I would love nothing more than to run screaming out the front door.
The girls are using me as a human punching bag and teether. In other words, this babysitting gig is not going well. Baby Riley is cutting her first tooth, and she’s spending her time going back and forth between screaming bloody murder and biting my arms and fingers. I’m positive that I’ll be deaf after tonight. I didn’t know babies could scream so loud.
Lily, the three-year-old, isn’t helping. She’s feeding off of Riley’s energy and refusing to do anything I tell her to do. All she says is, “I want Mommy and Daddy.” You’d think Tess and Dan have never left her before or that the girls don’t know me. I see them at least once a week, usually more. I’ve babysat Lily many times before. Granted, it’s been a while—since before Riley was born—but still, the girl knows me.
Tess and Dan have only been gone for an hour and a half, and they’re driving an hour away to eat at an upscale restaurant and see an orchestra. I can’t call them. I won’t call them. I’m a grown woman. I can take care of two little girls.
But maybe I should have listened to Tess when she called to cancel earlier this afternoon. She was reluctant to leave the girls with me with them acting like this, but I assured her over and over again that I could handle it. She and Dan haven’t had a date since before Riley was born, and this had been on the calendar for so long. The orchestra tickets were so expensive, and they’re nonrefundable. Tess was so excited, and I couldn’t bear to let her miss her night of freedom.
It’s just one night. I can get through this.
“Who wants pizza?!” I ask, hoping it will get Lily to perk up.
“I hate pizza!” she yells. I know for a fact that this little girl lives for pizza. I ate pizza with her and Tess just last week. I’ve never seen a three-year-old eat so much in all of my born days. I was literally concerned that her stomach would explode if she ate one more slice.
“Okay, how about we turn on your favorite princess movie?”
“No. Princesses are dumb!” she says, as she’s wearing a purple, poofy dress and sparkly tiara.
I’m left scratching my head. Those are two things that usually perk her up right away. She runs to her room, crying. Following behind her, I turn into her room just in time to see her throw her body onto her tiny toddler bed. For someone who claims not to like princesses, she sure acts like one. I leave her room, closing the door behind me.
I need back-up now. I can’t call Millie because she and Lo are having a girls’ night. They’re still adjusting to Millie’s recent nuptials, so they need their time together. Colby is grumpy, but usually that works in his favor where kids are concerned. The terror they feel in his presence usually has them obeying immediately. He’s not even mean to them. He just has this aura about him that can whip a kid into shape at the drop of a hat. I think it’s the scowl. The guy’s a teacher, so he must have some tricks up his sleeve.
He’ll probably say no, but I call him anyway.
“Hannanah, what’s going on?” he answers. Okay, it sounds like he’s in a surprisingly good mood. I might have a chance here. He’s my brother. This shouldn’t be scary. Just spit it out. The worst that could happen would be him saying no, and then I’ll be trapped here, all alone, with two screaming banshees until about midnight. It’ll be fine. Nothing to worry about at all.
“I’m babysitting Tess’s girls, and it’s an absolute nightmare. I was wondering if you could come help me.”
“Oh, well, I have Seth and Jameson at my house right now,” he says. I can hear the hesitation in his voice. There’s a commotion on his end of the phone, and I hear whispered words.
