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“You’re right,” she breathes.
She sits up and looks at me with the same look of amazement she had the day I comforted Sebastian.
“Jaxson, you’re right. I’ve been so selfish. I might not understand why she made the choice, but she understood. I’ve been trying so hard to figure out what happened that night, that I’ve forgotten what she looks like.”
She scrambles from the bed and yanks open the closet doors. She stands on her toes and takes a box from the top shelf.
I sit up as she places it on the bed. She takes the lid off and climbs onto the mattress, sitting on her knees.
With a trembling hand, she reaches inside the box and takes a photo out.
A smile wavers around her mouth as she stares at it. I watch her look at every photo and then she pulls an envelope from the bottom of the box.
Leigh, I wish you knew how much I love you. You’ll only understand just how much when you hold your own child in your arms. To the world you’re brilliant, but to me, you’ll always be my baby girl. I’m proud of everything you’ve accomplished, and I’m proud of the woman you will become. I know you will be successful in everything you do. I have so much faith in you, my baby. If something happens and I have to leave, please forgive me. Please try to understand that the world isn’t always black or white. There are gray areas you can’t see. There are things you can’t argue, and there are things you can’t justify with facts. If I had one wish for you, it would be that you would accept this. Just because I’m gone, doesn’t mean that I will stop loving you.
Always, Mom.
“Did you know gray isn’t a color? It’s a shade,” she says, as she folds the letter and places it back in the box.
“I didn’t.”
“If you mix a color with white, it’s called tinting, and if you mix a lighter color with black, it’s called shading.”
“Doc,” I say to get her attention.
She opens her mouth to say something else, so I cover it with my hand. I pull her onto my lap and wrap my arms around her.
“She loved you. It’s the only thing that matters.”
She nods her head and glances up at me.
“You’re so much smarter than me,” she whispers, as a smile spreads across her face.
“Oh yeah? Hold on while I grab my phone. I want to record that. Fifty years from now I can use it when you argue with me.”
She starts to laugh as she pulls me down on top of her.
“Fifty years from now?” she whispers against my mouth.
“Yeah, if you’re okay with that?”
She wiggles under me and pulls her phone out of her pocket. I watch her type something and then my phone beeps. I push myself up and dig my phone out of my pocket.
Doc: 1=0.999999999999999999999 8
“Okay, I’ll bite. Enlighten me, Doc.”
She looks at me with such emotion I’m too scared to blink. I don’t want to risk closing my eyes, and when I open them, the look will be gone.
“Strogatz once said; I love how simple it is. Everyone understands what it says, yet how provocative it is. Many people don't believe it could be true. It's also beautifully balanced.”
She leans against me and points at the screen.
“The left side represents the beginning of mathematics, which is us right now. The right side represents the mysteries of infinity, which is us in fifty years.”
I’m not sure what she’s trying to say, except that she sees us together in fifty years.
“It means I love you now, Jaxson, and I’ll love you infinitely for all the years to come.”
