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Instead, I lie here thinking about what this will mean for our friendship.
It feels like the beginning of the end.
888
WILLOW
When I wake up my first thought is that I’ve never felt so comfortable before. I open my eyes, and for a moment I’m confused. I pull back a little, and the blur becomes Marcus’ jaw.
I move slowly and glance down at our bodies. Mine is positioned half over his. Actually, I’m sprawled all over him.
This is not good.
When I look back to his face, and my eyes meet his, I panic. I move as fast as I can, crawling backward and putting a safe distance between us.
“I’m sorry. I usually sleep all over the bed.”
I remember wanting to talk to him, and asking him to hold me, and then I must’ve fallen asleep.
“Why didn’t you wake me and tell me to go home?”
“You were upset, and I thought the sleep would do you good.”
The air between us feels stiff, and as he throws back the covers, I quickly realize it’s not the only thing that’s stiff.
I quickly look away, so he doesn’t catch me gawking at his hard-on.
This is definitely not good. Marcus made it clear that we were only friends. We haven’t even hugged before. I’ve kissed him a few times on his cheek, and I knew that was pushing things.
I need to do damage control.
“I’m sorry for falling asleep here. It’s been a really crappy week.” I pull the tie from my skew ponytail and straighten my hair out, before tying it at my neck. “I took my designs to my boss, and she made it clear that they didn’t hire me to design for them. I was hoping that once I’ve been with them for a couple of months, they would consider looking at my portfolio.”
I pretend to straighten out my shirt as Marcus gets up. Once he’s dressed, I give him a tentative look.
His mouth is set in a hard line, and I can see that his movements are tense.
Shit. I really screwed up.
“I know I should be thankful that I have a job. At least it pays the bills. I was just hoping they would give me a chance.”
Marcus runs a hand through his hair and clears his throat. “It sucks that you had a bad week.”
When he doesn’t say anything else, my heart sinks to the floor.
“Thanks for dinner. Sorry for being such a downer.”
I suppress the urge to run and walk as calmly as I can to where I left my bag. I hang the strap over my shoulder and open the front door. When I turn around, and I see that Marcus didn’t follow me, a heaviness washes over me.
“See you next Saturday,” I call out.
I close the door behind me, and as I walk away from his apartment, I fold my arms around myself.
Disheartened by the horrible week I’ve had, I wonder why life is so unfair.
Everything I want is dangled like a carrot in front of my nose, but I can’t have any of them.
I love Marcus, but I can’t have him.
