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“Before you go, there’s something I want to tell you.”
I nod, and instantly my nerves feel unsettled. When it comes to Marcus, I’m never sure what to expect.
He clears his throat and then his eyes lock on mine. They are so blue and filled with life that I can’t stop myself from staring back.
“When I was lying in the OR, just before I passed out, you want to know the very first thing that entered my mind?”
I nod, waiting for him to continue.
“Your smile.”
A smile forms around my mouth.
“I remembered the first time I saw you smile and how it froze me. I remembered thinking you were the most beautiful thing I’ve seen in all my life. It froze me because I knew I’d never be able to move on from that moment. I wanted you, but I couldn’t have you. At that moment my miserable existence froze in time until I was lying there waiting for Doc to cut into my heart.”
I want to pinch my eyes shut, scared of where this is going.
“Right before everything went black, you were the very last thing that entered my mind. I realized I might never see your smile again.”
I drop my eyes from his, not wanting him to see that just talking about his near-death experience is upsetting. I don’t think I’ll ever recover fully from it.
I feel his fingers brush along my jaw and the slight touch sends tingles spreading through my body.
“I realized I might never get the chance to tell you just how much I love you.”
My eyes dart back to his with surprise. I was worried that he only told me he loved me because he was dying.
“I tried so hard to convince myself that I didn’t need you. The moment you walked out of my life I realized you were and always will be the most important person in my life.”
My heart starts to beat faster with hope. Hope that Marcus might be ready for a committed relationship. I should’ve stopped hoping a long time ago, but when it comes to Marcus, my heart just won’t give up.
“I’m not asking for another chance because I sure as hell don’t deserve it. I’ve broken your trust, and I’ve hurt you. I’ll always regret that. I’m asking you to consider the possibility of us being friends. I know it’s selfish of me to ask, but I need you in my life. I’ll take you any way I can get you. I need to know that I’ll still see your smile tomorrow, and the day after that. I love you, Willow. I can’t be the man you deserve, but please let me be a friend. I love you with every beat of my heart. I always will.”
I stare at him, feeling confused.
“You love me, but you just want to be friends? Is that what you’re saying?” I struggle to keep my voice neutral while my heart teeters on the edge of a gaping hole.
“No. I love you, and I want everything. I want you. I want your love. I want a chance to make you happy. But I know I don’t deserve it. I’m telling you that I will take whatever you’re willing to give me, as long as I get to keep you in my life.”
I lick my lips nervously, not sure what I’m supposed to say now.
“What do you want, Marcus?”
He looks away over my head, and I have to admit I’m a little disappointed. I wish you would make a decision for once and stick with it.
“You know what,” I say as I turn around to get my bag from where I left it next to the couch. “I’m going to go home. Call me when you’ve figured out what you want.”
I grab my bag, and as I turn around, I freeze as Marcus stalks towards me.
I’ve seen the bad boy Marcus.
I’ve seen the closed-off Marcus.
I’ve seen every side of him, except for this side.
He looks strong and unwavering, and by the time he reaches me, my heart is pounding against my ribs.
He frames my face and tilts my head up.
