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five
I DON’T KNOW WHY—IT’Scertainly not a conscious decision—but I go to Jackson’s room every night for the entire next week.
He doesn’t question it again, so I don’t have to feel self-conscious about doing so. I just show up in the dark and we fuck. He’s as enthusiastic as I am. He doesn’t seem to get bored or tired or confused or in need of a break. He doesn’t even care that we have to go through four nights of my period. I just bring a towel with me so we don’t make a mess on his sheets.
If he asked even a single question about my change of habits, I would have started staying in my own room again. But he doesn’t ask. It’s just sex in the dark. It doesn’t have to mean anything. We can just do it.
For now, it’s making me feel better, so I keep going back every night.
This can’t last forever. For one, in another week or so, I’ll be getting toward my most fertile time of the month, and even with him pulling out, it’s not a good idea to have sex then unless I’m willing to risk getting pregnant.
I wouldn’t mind having a baby one day.
But not like this.
It’s just as well we’ll have to stop next week. Maybe the requisite break will give me more perspective, and I can go back to not needing to feel Jackson’s body against mine, his arms around me, every single night.
I’ve got more important things to worry about anyway. For the first three days after starting her on the antibiotics, Molly made some improvements. I was hopeful. I really thought maybe the medication was going to work. But I shouldn’t have been optimistic. After all, this isn’t a world where punches are ever pulled. The past few days have proven my hopes silly and naive.
Molly has started getting worse again, and this morning she’s in the same condition she was before we started the antibiotics last week.
I try to keep a smile on my face as I check her temperature, cool her down with a wet washcloth, get her to drink some chicken broth, and give her the morning pills.
“You don’t have to try to fool me,” she says in a slightly cracked voice after she’s managed to get the pills down. “I know I’m not doing good.”
“You’re doing okay.”
She shakes her head, her blue eyes sober on my face. “They’re not working, are they?”
I shrug. “We don’t know that for sure.”
“Yes, we do. It’s okay, Faith. It was only ever a small hope anyway.”
“A small hope is better than no hope. I’ll get you some better antibiotics if I need to.”
“You can’t make that long trip just on the off-chance you can find what I need.”
“Yes, I can.”
“Jack won’t let you.”
“It’s not Jackson’s choice to make.” My voice is cool, but she’ll know it’s not directed at her.
“Well, you’ll have to convince him unless you’re willing to risk him barricading you in a closet to keep you safe.” She’s almost smiling now.
I shake my head and roll my eyes, trying not to smile back. “Just let him try something like that. We’ll see who comes out on top.”
I wish I hadn’t said those words. I was on top of Jackson just last night, riding him while he rubbed my clit until I came over and over again. I flush at the memory and then hate myself for being so silly.
Maybe Molly sees something on my face. She asks in a pseudocasual tone, “How are things going with him anyway?”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know. You tell me. Just that he seems to have an extra spring in his step lately, and whenever he stops by to see me, it seems like he’s on the verge of smiling.”
I frown. Jackson has appeared about the same during the days to me. It’s only at night that we’re having sex more often. “Jackson doesn’t smile.”
“I know! That’s why it’s noteworthy. I thought maybe something was developing.”
