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He always asks this whenever he’s talking directly to me. “Yep. I did. For about an hour.”
“You sure look pretty today.” He’s smiling and leaning toward me a little.
This is the most direct he’s ever been with me, and it makes my cheeks flame with heat. I glance down at myself, genuinely surprised. Mary was just telling me I need to let my hair down, but maybe the hair doesn’t matter. Noah’s eyes keep dropping to my chest although he’s clearly trying to keep them on my face. “Thank you.” I look over at Mary for help, but she’s pretending not to hear.
“What are your plans for the day?” he asks.
My heartbeat has picked up, but it’s more of a panic response than an excited one. A twenty-two-year-old shouldn’t be so inexperienced, so scared of simple dating, but I am.
I definitely am.
“I don’t really know,” I manage to reply, sounding as natural as I can manage. “I work here all morning. Then I usually help in the garden or look around for something else that needs doing.”
“Well, I’ve got guard duty until five, but this evening if you have any downtime, come find me and we can take a walk or something.”
If possible, my cheeks get even redder. “Oh. Yeah. Maybe. I will if I have time.”
There. That wasn’t too bad. Not rude or dismissive. But also not committing to something I have no idea if I want to do.
Noah seems perfectly pleased with my response, and he saunters off, saying hi and smiling at everyone he passes.
“Why didn’t you give him more encouragement?” Mary asks as soon as he’s out of earshot.
“I didn’t know if I’ll be able to.”
“He’s a cutie-pie. I thought you’d be excited.” Mary gives me a sharp look. “Is there someone else you’re holding out for?”
“No! No, of course not. I like Noah just fine. I just haven’t… done that sort of thing before.”
“Oh. Yeah. I guess you were only seventeen when we moved into the bunker, so you missed out on a lot of normal life experiences. But there’s no reason you can’t have some of them now. Don’t you want a man?”
I shrug, having no idea how to answer that. “I… guess so. If it works out. But I don’t want one just to have one, if that makes sense. I want him to be the right one.”
“That does make sense. But unfortunately we can’t be too picky anymore. We’ve only got a certain number of guys to choose from, and who knows if we’ll ever meet any more. If you want someone, better to pick the best of what’s available than hold out for nothing.”
She’s right, of course. Absolutely right. It’s silly for me to hesitate about starting a relationship with a good guy when I may never have another opportunity.
Maybe it was that night I spent with Grant. There was nothing about it that was romantic or hopeful for the future, but it still sits in my mind like a weight. It’s somehow warped my natural instincts for sexual attraction and romantic affection.
However weird and winding that path is, it’s one that’s clearly going nowhere. And I have a nice, easy path opening up for me with Noah.
I give Mary a nod. “You’re right. I do like Noah. I’ll make sure to go find him this evening, and we can take a walk and just… see.”
“Very good. I think that’s a fine idea. You’re always so serious and thoughtful and hardworking. Those are good things, but you’re only twenty-two. You need to have some fun occasionally. I think a boyfriend would be good for you.”
A boyfriend.
Maybe it would be nice.
I’ve lived a long time with it never really being a possibility for me. I assume the fact that Noah almost asked me out means that Grant lifted the dating embargo on me.
Everything is different now, and I guess that means I have to be different too.
* * *
When my morning shift is over, I get a bowl of the fish stew and sit down to eat it at a table with Dave, Mary, Dr. Willoughby, and a few others. Then I grab my own ration pack and plan to take it down to my apartment before I return to help in the garden.
Despite the new buildings they’ve built on the surface, we all still sleep in apartments in the bunker. I walk into the fortified garage that houses the elevator when it’s lifted to the surface. Either the strength of the structure or our remote location worked as intended because no one destroyed the garage in the five years we were locked down or stole any of the vehicles.
