AllFreeNovel
Share Us
He doesn’t answer. He stares at me for a few seconds, breathing heavily.
“Watch the road,” I tell him, gesturing toward a section of pavement that’s been torn up. If we drive over that, it might wreck the undercarriage.
He pulls off the road and drives on the grass until we get around the bad section. Then he turns to look at me again.
I know what he’s silently asking, and I have no answer for him. I don’t know what’s gotten into me. I should just shut up. I do it all the time. Stay silent so I don’t say something stupid. For some reason, I can’t right now. “It’s just sex,” I tell him. “People have it all the time, for all kinds of reasons.”
“I realize that,” he says slowly.
“So if you wanted a quick roll in the hay with that girl, then I definitely got in the way.”
“Do you really believe, after knowing me this long, that I’m in the habit of letting my dick make decisions for me?”
I’m surprised by the question. And I’m also surprised by his almost offended tone. “N-no. Of course I don’t think so.”
“Sure, I like sex, but these aren’t normal times, and other things have been a lot more important. I’ve been trying to keep people alive.”
“I know you have. You’ve done an amazing job taking care of all of us. Seriously. I really wasn’t trying to insult you. But you can keep people alive and also have sex. The two aren’t mutually exclusive.”
He meets my eyes again, and this time the intensity cracks. He chuckles dryly.
I can’t help but laugh a little too. “That sounded a little weird, but I just meant—”
“I know what you meant. And you’re right. But it’s not like I can go to a bar and pick someone up. My options have been limited.”
I hadn’t thought about it before. It just seemed like there were plenty of women in the bunker, and any of them would be happy to fuck Grant. But there really aren’t that many women in their twenties and thirties who don’t already have partners. He could, of course, hook up with an older woman, or he’s probably capable of winning a woman away from her boyfriend or husband. But he hasn’t appeared to do either thing.
“Well,” I say at last, “your options aren’t limited anymore. After all, Heather will be there at New Haven, hoping you’ll come to see her again.”
He curls up his lip in a little snarl, like he’s annoyed with me. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say you sound jealous.”
“I’m not jealous!”
Of course I am, and clearly he’s realized it. I’m flushed and breathing too fast and unable to stop fidgeting my hands.
He doesn’t say anything for a few minutes. We drive in silence, and I sincerely wish the earth would swallow me whole exactly now.
Then Grant finally darts me a quick look before his eyes return to the road. “I thought you and Noah were a thing.”
“What?” I can’t keep the astonishment out of my voice.
“You and Noah. Aren’t you a thing?”
“No. Why… What… Why would you think that?”
“He asked me about it. He’s a good guy.”
“He asked you—?” I break off the words, trying to process exactly what this means. I can’t stand the idea of Grant being involved in any conversation like that regarding me. I desperately search my mind for some way to pull myself out of this emotional mess of a discussion, but I can’t think of anything. “Can we please stop talking about this?”
“Of course.”
We don’t talk about anything after that, but the silence is better than before. I spend the rest of the drive back trying to figure out exactly what’s happening, but I’m no clearer on things at the end of the trip.
Faith said I should just jump him. Show up in his room. See what happens.
I did it once, and it led to the night I still can’t forget. Maybe I should do it again.
I might end up humiliating myself, but at least I’d have some answers. Anything would be better than this weird, unsettled, baffling, nauseating tangle of questions in my mind.
Faith is smart and experienced. She seems to know what she’s talking about. I clearly don’t know anything at all.
Faith said I should jump him.
Maybe I will.
