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I don’t like that he’s been talking this through and making plans with Jackson. He should be doing that with me. I’m the one who’s actually involved. But all I say is, “That makes sense, I guess. So we’ll just stay here for a few days and then go see what’s happening?”
“Yeah. That’s the plan.”
“And if they don’t move on?”
“Then we’ll have to do something.”
“You and me?”
“More than that. It’s not just about our people. It’s about the safety of the whole region. We can’t let those Wolf Packs get more power than they already have, and if they all band together, they will. The bunker won’t be their only target. They’ll come here to New Haven. And there are fortified towns they might decide to attack. There are individual homesteads scattered around. People who are trying to make a life here can’t just let the gangs come together into another drove that will gobble everything up. So if they’re still camped out there and building up their force, it won’t just be you and me trying to take them down.”
I nod slowly, thinking through all this. It makes sense. And it’s reassuring that we won’t be alone. But it’s also clear that, if that happens, Grant won’t be relying on me for help.
He won’t even really need me.
Maybe nobody will.
“Are you all right?” he asks in a different tone. He pushes back the curtain of hair that’s fallen forward to hide my face.
“Yeah.” I lick my lips and smile at him. “Fine. I don’t mind staying here for a few days. And of course I’ll do anything I can to take care of our people and keep it safe around here.”
I mean it. I’m not going to be selfish. Or childishly petty.
But it would be nice to be needed. To be seen as something other than a sheltered princess. For a few minutes earlier, it felt like it could happen, but now that moment is lost.
* * *
The next days pass quickly and are better than I would have expected.
Grant and I both work hard. He helps guard the perimeter and assists with the construction projects, and I pull weeds in the garden and learn how to bake bread. There are more people my age here than I’ve encountered since I locked down in the bunker, and I start to make some friends. And I enjoy the sense of community. Eating meals together. And gathering to read out loud from books in the evening.
I don’t spend a lot of time with Grant during the days, but every evening we have sex as soon as we get into bed—and sometimes again if we wake up in the middle of the night. It’s always hot and rough and urgent. A carnal meeting of needs that neither one of us can speak out loud.
On and off, I worry about our people trapped in the bunker, but they have plenty of supplies for a few days, and it makes sense to give the Wolf Packs a chance to splinter or move on their own. Overall, I’m not unhappy, and it’s the morning of the fourth day before I realize so much time has passed.
I miss swimming every morning although I’ll never admit it because it feels so selfish. Instead, I wake up early to work in the large farm garden before the sun gets too hot.
This morning, I’m working with a freckled, gangly guy that everyone calls Ham. I like him a lot. His smile reminds me of Noah, and he always makes me laugh. Today he’s been telling me about a girl he’s interested in, and I’ve been trying to give him advice. Not that I’m an expert, but at least I have experience being a girl.
“Your boyfriend wants you,” Ham says after a while, breaking into my suggestions about how to show the girl that he likes her.
I straighten up with a jerk and turn to look in the direction he indicates. Sure enough, Grant is standing near the back door of the main house. He makes a curt summoning gesture with his hand.
“He’s not my boyfriend,” I say for no particular reason. It’s true. Boyfriend is not at all the right word for Grant. I’m not sure what exactly he is to me.
Ham snorts. “Okay. Whatever you want to call him. He always looks pissed when you hang out with me, and right now he’s getting impatient and blaming me. So go talk to your man before he decides to punch me for the sheer hell of it.”
I can’t help but laugh at his wry words although they also make me blush. I push myself to my feet, wipe some of the dirt off my jeans, and then head over to where Grant is waiting.
He’s frowning as I approach.
“What’s the matter?” I ask, suddenly getting worried. He usually doesn’t come find me while we’re working during the day.
“Nothing. Just that we’re taking off. It’s been more than three days, so we’re going to drive out to the bunker and scout out what’s happening.”
“Oh, okay.” I glance down at my dirty clothes and wish I had something clean to change into. “Just let me wash up real quick, and I’ll be ready.”
“I’m going with Jackson. You can stay here.” The words come out clipped but not hard. More like a simple passing of information.
