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The question hits me like a fastball to the head. “What?” It’s all I can manage through my surprise.
“I’m just saying. Am I one of many? Do you make your way through the entire student body? No judgment or anything like that. I’m only wondering if maybe I’m getting in the way by being around.”
“Where is this coming from? What gave you the idea I sleep with the students?”
“You mean aside from what we’ve done?”
I have to grit my teeth before answering. “Obviously. And I’m not in the mood to play games, so you might want to come out with it already.”
She drums her fingers on the table, glaring at her plate. “She was talking a lot about you. Aspen. All this time you spend together and how great it is. It doesn’t take a genius to put two and two together. Her whole face, like, lights up when she talks about you.”
Was that supposed to clear any of this up? I’m more confused than ever. “I don’t understand what you’re driving at.”
“How long have you been fucking her? Jesus Christ, it’s like pulling teeth. Do you deliberately pretend you can’t follow along?”
That’s it? That’s the problem? Maybe I shouldn’t laugh, but how am I supposed to help it? “You are way off base,” I manage before laughing again.
“Right. I’m sure it’s just a really deep, beautiful friendship. And listen,” she insists when my laughter only gets louder, “I don’t care, I really don’t. I just think it’s kind of shitty. Unethical. She’s an actual student here.”
“You care so much about ethics all of a sudden?” I needed that laugh. I really did. And now that it’s out of my system, there’s room in my awareness for understanding. Is she jealous? Is that what this is about?
For a second, the evil bastard inside me considers dragging this out. Letting her suffer a little. However, she’ll only make me suffer in the end. I don’t know how, but she’ll find a way.
“I don’t think it’s funny.” She folds her arms, having given up the pretext of being interested in dinner.
“Neither do I. I don’t think it’s funny at all.”
“So why are you laughing at me?”
“Because you couldn’t be further from the truth if you tried.” I push my plate to the side, folding my arms on the table and facing her head-on. “Do you really not know? I assumed you did. It’s not a secret.”
Color blazes on her cheeks. “So you do have a relationship with her?”
“I do, but it’s not the kind of relationship you’re assuming it is.” I can’t help but grin at her confusion. “Aspen isn’t my girlfriend or even my fuck buddy. She’s my daughter.”
It’s worth it, telling her if only to watch her jaw drop. Her face goes blank, almost like her brain shuts down for a moment so it can catch up. I’m unable to hide my amusement, though she doesn’t seem to notice.
“Wait a minute. I thought she was some other guy’s kid. The one who—”
“She was adopted. To tell you the truth, I didn’t know I had a daughter until well after she came here. It was only after her adopted father was in prison that he told her the truth. It was his way of protecting her. Distancing himself from her. And I’m sure he thought she deserved to know where she came from.”
“Did he know who her real parents were?”
“He knew who her mother was.” It’s still so fresh. A sense of shame grips me when my thoughts turn in this direction. My own child was hidden from me for her protection. I was that far gone, that twisted. “The father was never announced, but I put everything together once I heard the mother’s name. Aspen’s blood was drawn when she first came here, just like yours was. I had Lauren run a paternity test.”
“And she knows you’re her father?”
“Yes. That’s why I’ve been spending time with her. I’m no one’s idea of father of the year, but now that we know about each other, I want to do my best to be there for her.”
She stares at the table, frowning, and I can’t help but wish she’d tell me what’s on her mind. What is she thinking? Trying to imagine me as a dad? She wouldn’t believe it if I told her how many times I’ve done the same thing and with next to no success.
Or is she thinking about her own father and their lack of a relationship? I wonder if that’s it. That’s exactly where my head would go if I were in her position. Mather might have been a rat, but he was nothing less than a devoted father. And now, Aspen has another father just as devoted to her. Even if I don’t quite know how to show it.
