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DREW
Sadie sucking me off was the hottest goddamn thing I’d ever experienced.
I was an idiot for avoiding blow jobs for the last few years. Except I knew down to my bones there was no way any of the women I’d hooked up with since my accident would’ve made me feel the way Sadie did.
Any guy who wasn’t an idiot knew if a woman was putting your dick in her mouth, she was doing you a solid. But never in my life had a woman gotten so turned on while going down on me that she started touching herself. Feeling her moaning and choking on my cock while she came on her fingers at the same time I was coming in her mouth was the headiest experience of my life.
Definitely a Sadie-specific experience.
Never to be replicated again, if her reaction afterward was any indication.
I’d wanted to return the favor and dole out a couple more orgasms for her, but she couldn’t get out of here fast enough. Her reaction threatened to ruin my blissed-out state.
I’d been seconds away from saying something insanely stupid, like you should never leave. Meanwhile, her face telegraphed the utter terror of whatever was going through her brain. The woman had zero poker face. It had to be more than a deadline she was worried about. But then, I hadn’t had to answer to anyone else’s schedule in a long time, so what the hell did I know?
I should take her at her word. Even though it felt like we’d already spent weeks together, not days, I didn’t know her that well. Maybe she really was just stressed about her work stuff.
Whatever was going on, she’d made it clear she didn’t plan to be spending any more time with me tonight. Probably for the best, because I needed a decent night’s sleep without my prosthetic on.
Even if it felt like a missed opportunity. Even if it felt wrong for her to be under my roof but not warming my bed. Even if I knew I wasn’t going to be able to sleep without her sweet body pressed against me.
I ran my hands through my hair, digging my fingernails across my scalp, and pushed out a harsh breath.
Get some sleep and see how things look in the morning.
I got up and shuffled around, locking the doors and turning off lights before heading upstairs. Normally I didn’t bother with locking up at night. My hometown had a lot of issues—thankfully crime wasn’t one of them. But with Sadie in the house, better safe than sorry.
After checking all the doors, I crept up the stairs at a snail’s pace. At the top, I paused outside her room. The soft glow of light peeked out beneath the door. Her fingers clacked across the keys of her laptop, loud enough for me to hear.
I headed down the hall to my bedroom and went through the whole process of getting ready for my shower. Made sure everything I needed was within arm’s reach. If you thought realizing you were out of soap once you were already in the shower was annoying, try doing it with only one leg.
I verified everything was in its right place, including a towel and pajamas for afterward. Then I stripped down to my boxer briefs before taking off my prosthesis. Finally, I sat down on the bench inside the shower, stripped off my underwear, and cranked the water up as hot as I could stand it.
After I was all cleaned up, I dried off, put my leg back on, and worked on adding back layers of clothes. If I was home by myself, I would get dressed without my prosthesis and use my crutches to get to my room and go to bed. But what if Sadie needed a drink of water or to use the bathroom at the exact moment I headed to my room?
I wasn’t ready for her to see me like that.
* * *
I lay awake,staring at the ceiling. The craziest dream I’d had in a long time woke me up—I was back on the Mosquito Cove trail with Sadie, except we got separated and I couldn’t find her. I ran around, frantic, screaming her name.
The dream had that strange quality where time seemed elastic. Had I been running around screaming for her for ten minutes? An hour? My whole life?
I’d run back to the clearing where we’d kissed, thinking maybe she would’ve gone there to try to meet me. To find me again. But when I got there, it was empty. When I looked over the edge, I saw myself lying at the bottom of the cove. Unmoving.
That was when I woke up in a cold sweat.
It had been almost a year since I’d had one of those dreams—the ones where I still had my left leg. They were frequent right after the accident. Along with phantom limb pain, which I still had from time to time. But eventually, they subsided. Figured it was a sign that my brain finally accepted this new version of my body.
Usually during those dreams I felt a sense of wholeness that I never had during waking hours. This time all I felt was a deep, aching emptiness.
Sadie’s absence was almost as profound as a lost limb.
My heart rate was back down to normal after lying here for a few minutes. I let out a deep breath and shifted, trying to get more comfortable. But nothing else felt right, now that I’d experienced sleeping curled up next to her.
In the dream, all I wanted was to find her and never let her go. But I lay here, staring at my ceiling, not able to tell her any of that. Her desire to keep things casual was pretty fucking clear, and I’d do well not to push her. Our time together was already going to be short. I didn’t want to spook her and cut it even shorter.
One of the floorboards in the hallway gave a muffled creak. I strained to listen, wondering if she was still awake working on her articles. A needy sliver of me wondered if she was also struggling to sleep alone.
