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SADIE
Late Sunday morning I was curled up on the guest bed in Ward’s apartment, running my finger along the blue patchwork of the quilt. The double wedding ring pattern mocked me. I’d been gifted two chances at love, and both times life snatched them away.
What was so wrong with me that the universe decided this was what I deserved?
The blue in the quilt made me think about Drew’s steely blue eyes. The fire in them when we’d first crashed together. The awe in them when we broke down all the walls between us. The wounded look after he read those articles.
“Knock, knock.” Ward pushed the door open. “Can I come in?”
“It’s your place,” I muttered.
I’d briefly considered Kobie’s suggestion of talking to Drew after he had some time to calm down, but there was no way he was going to listen to me.
So, I did what he asked. I packed up and drove back to New York. He was right. No one in Kelly Bay wanted me there anymore.
I hadn’t heard a peep out of him since our argument Friday night.
Kobie had sent me a text asking me if I was all right, but I didn’t respond to it until after I’d made it home late Saturday morning. I’d white-knuckled the whole drive back, pulling over for crying jags every couple of hours, so it took me three hours longer than it should have.
Ward had insisted I crash with him after I returned his car. After taking one look at my red-rimmed puffy eyes, he refused to let me go home to my apartment full of casual acquaintance roommates who probably wouldn’t even notice anything was wrong. I passed out in his guest room and slept away most of the day Saturday, then lay awake in bed last night rehashing everything, which spurred more crying. At this point, the insides of my eyelids were made of sandpaper.
I hadn’t left the bed yet today and didn’t plan to anytime soon. Eirin didn’t know I was back in town, so I wouldn’t have to show my face at HypeKey tomorrow. Which was good, because I might burn the whole building to the ground when I got there.
“What do you say we get you cleaned up and go to brunch?” Ward asked, sitting down on the side of the bed and scrunching his face at the ratty pajamas I’d definitely been wearing for over twenty-four hours. “Bottomless Bloody Marys can cure a lot of problems.”
I shook my head. “I’m not putting real pants on again until my appointment with Dr. York tomorrow night.”
“Look, I know it’s been a shit week,” Ward said.
“Try shit life,” I countered.
“Okay, I gave you the day to wallow—”
“Yesterday? I was asleep for more than half of it. That’s not even close to enough wallowing time.”
He ignored my protest. “But now I think it’s time for some tough love.”
“You’re not going to make me watch P.S. I Love You again, are you?”
When I first opened up and told Ward about how I lost Josh and the baby, he made me watch every sappy romance movie he could find about women who’d lost the loves of their lives but eventually moved on to be whole again. We’d spent an entire Memorial Day weekend holed up in his apartment crying and eating ice cream. It didn’t solve all my problems, but it was surprisingly cathartic.
“No. Because Drew’s not dead. And neither are you.” He poked me in the ribs. “But you are being a dumbass.”
“Me?” I sat up. “How am I the one being a dumbass? He’s the one who thought I was capable of writing all those awful things. The one who didn’t believe me. The one who told me to leave.”
“Sure, in the heat of the moment, he believed and said those things. And what did you do?”
“I tried to tell him it was all a mistake, but he wasn’t going to listen. He didn’t believe me, and he didn’t want me there anymore—”
“You didn’t fight.”
“Oh, we fought all right. At least he did, while I stood there, stunned and confused. And he did it in front of everyone so the whole town knows how he feels about me.”
“You fought with him, but you didn’t fight for him.” He reached over and patted my leg with a knowing look on his face.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“It means you’d already made up your mind that he didn’t want you before Eirin ambushed the two of you with her shitty rewrites. As soon as he gave any hint he might confirm your fears, you ran away with your tail between your legs.”
