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I think he might tell me he still loves me…
Right? Surely. After how he was watching me at Christian’s bar launch — I knew he was. I was his eye kink for the entire afternoon.
I felt high from it. I’ve missed the feeling of being his focus. There’s nothing quite like it in the world, that’s my conclusion at this point. And I can be angry at him, I can be hurt by him, I can be scared of him, and even with all of that still, I can want all of his attention.
Which I do.
All of it. I want all his attention, all his time, all his wandering eyes and lip bites. I don’t want to share those things with that Australian girl, I want them all.
I wonder if we’ll kiss.
Would he kiss me? Would I let him? Of course I’d let him. I hate that about myself a bit, but I would.
The butterflies in my stomach at the thought of being somewhere alone with him, being at Dunstan’s with him, they’re prehistoric in size. Like bats flying around in there. Ill with jitters and nerves.
“Nervous about tomorrow?” Bridget asks as I hold clothes up against my body, deciding what to wear when I see him. I’m in my head about it, because either way I want it to hurt him when he sees me. If he’s leaving me for good, I want him to remember me perfectly, and if he’s starting things over, I want him to remember me perfectly then too.
Dark green and navy single-breasted tartan coat from Miu Miu, probably the navy Intarsia-Knit, some sort of white polo underneath it… a pleated white mini skirt. The one from Recreational Habits, I think. Maybe some black Horsebit pumps from Gucci? Mid-heel probably. He’s already so much taller than me, but I like it best when he feels like a tower.
I suppose he’s always towering over me in some way or another. Is that a good thing?
I look over at my sister and shake my head at her like she’s crazy, but I think she knows I’m lying.
“No, I feel fine — looking forward to it, actually.” I shrug breezily.
Taura smirks. “I bet you are.”
