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Eighteen
Magnolia
I’m awake in my mind before my eyes can open — does that happen to you? Where your consciousness runs ahead of your waking, and something in you knows you don’t want to be awake, that you shouldn’t be awake. It tries to keep you down in the safety of sleep, but waking life is so loud, even when it’s quiet it pulls you forward into the light of life even if there is no light, even if all the curtains on all the windows in the whole world have been drawn shut forever.
My eyes blink open eventually.
I don’t immediately recognise where I am. In a bed. What room is this? I jerk up.
Then I realise I’m in the master bedroom of the Dartmouth house.
I glance around, panicked.
My sister’s sitting on a chair in the corner — mixed knit wrapped cardigan from Alanui, Anine Bing Denver alpaca-blend turtleneck sweater underneath and the Journey cashmere-blend track pants from Extreme Cashmere — her legs tucked under her, cup of tea hugged to her chest.
“Hey.” She gives me a gentle smile.
I blink at her a few times. “What are you doing here?”
She puts the cup down.
“Mr Gibbs called me,” she says with a frown.
“Oh.” I nod once.
She walks over to me, perches on the edge of the bed, looks at her hands. She fiddles with the tip of her index finger, mulling over the words I can tell she wants to say.
She looks over at me. “He said you blacked out.”
“Did I?” I try to sound confused. “I must have forgotten to eat breakfast.”
“For how many days?” She frowns.
I shake my head. “Not like that—”
“Then what the fuck is going on with you?” My sister shakes her head, annoyed.
“Oh.” I wave my hand through the air, let out a tiny laugh. “I’m just a bit scattered — jet lag, you know?”
My sister’s eyes pinch. “He said you were hysterical.”
I roll my eyes. “You know how I get when I don’t sleep a full nine hours.”
I’m going to cry. If she keeps pushing me, I’ll cry.
“Magnolia.”
“What?” I blink a lot.
“Tell me the truth.” Bridget’s face is serious. “Don’t lie to me. Please.”
I take a big breath. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
I sit up a little.
“But you mustn’t tell anyone.” I give her a look. “This stays between us, forever.”
