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I growled.“You look perfect to me.”
Livvie stared up at me.“I love you so much.”
I laced our fingers together and gently tugged her out into the living room, cocoa mugs in hand.We sat on the sofa and she settled right up against me with her legs curled underneath her.She took a sip of her hot cocoa and cradled the warm mug between her two hands.
I laid a soft kiss across her head.“Please don’t shut me out again, Livvie.I’ve been grieving, too.We’ve always been able to talk about everything.That’s been the easiest part of our marriage.You’re my best friend.The one person I know I can tell anything to.”
“I’m so sorry I pushed you away.I wanted to talk to you.Really, I did,” she exclaimed.“But that tiny bit of darkness inside just kept growing until it got so big I was afraid to even open my mouth.I feared it would swallow me whole, and I’d never escape.”
“Let me be your light.When the darkness starts to overwhelm you, just grab my hand and squeeze it tight.Even if you can’t say anything, I’ll know it’s getting to be too much.”
Livvie raised her head.Her eyes brimmed with tears.“What did I ever do to deserve you?”
I set both our mugs on the coffee table and twisted until we faced each other and palmed her cheek.“There’s no such thing as being deserving or not, little one.It’s not as though there’s a giant checks and balances tally sheet out there where someone is keeping score.”
Her warm hand covered mine, and she leaned into my touch.“After I lost the baby, all I could think about was that I’d done something wrong.That I wasn’t a good enough mom to deserve another one.That you would blame me for what happened.”
Tears spilled over her eyes wetting our connected hands.I brushed them away with my thumbs.“Put that shit right out of your head.You didn’t do anything wrong.You are the best wife, but more importantly, you’re an even more amazing mother.You have no idea how in awe of you I am.The way you take care of not only Chloe, but me as well.”
Livvie’s gaze darted across my face.She leaned forward and pressed her lips to mine.It was a soft and gentle kiss.One that was filled with love and intimacy.It was a kiss of awakening.She pulled back, but it seemed to take her some effort.
“Will you just hold me?”she asked.
“I’d love nothing more.”I pulled Livvie into my lap and wrapped my arms tightly around her.
She rested her head rested in the crook of my neck.We sat together long into the night, neither of us speaking.I brushed a few kisses against her forehead until her quiet snores vibrated against my chest.I picked her up, carried her to our room, and laid her on the bed.Then I curled myself around her whispering to her how much I loved her until I joined her in sleep.
