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She set her hands on her hips and continued to look me over. I watched as she bit her bottom lip, her blue eyes squinting in concentration. And my heart raced as I remembered all the times she'd done that when we were younger. And as I remembered how many times I’d wanted to kiss her when she was in high school and I was in college, I had the inkling that maybe it wasn't such a good idea to have her working with me so closely.
I was supposed to be getting engaged, not remembering all the times I'd fantasized about my best friend’s little sister.
Aiden’smarriedlittle sister.
Which made me wonder what Nolan thought about us working together.
"Did you pierce your ear without me knowing it?" Kate asked, breaking me away from my thoughts.
"What?" I touched my ear lobes to feel for what might have gotten stuck there.
Kate laughed. "Kidding. I'm totally kidding."
"What am I going to do with you, girl?” I placed both hands on her shoulders, forcing myself to jump back into my role as her honorary big brother. "I'm about to go on live TV, don't make me any more anxious than I already am."
“Just trying to help you lighten up.” She gave me the most innocent smile. ”You were standing so stiffly.”
I sighed, feeling heavy with all the pressure I felt to fix everything.
I couldn’t help but be nervous. The pressure the producers were putting on me was stifling. Everything was riding on my doing a good job. How could I not be anxious about that?
Kate must have seen the apprehension on my face because she touched my arm gently and said, “Hey.” She looked up, her eyes big and sympathetic. "You're going to do awesome. I haven't seen any of this season, but I know you. People have been dying to get a real, honest, hardworking guy to watch for a long time. They're tired of the fame whores who go on these shows for all the wrong reasons. You started this because you're ready to find love and someone to share your wonderful life with."
And because I knew I needed to move on from the girl I could never have.
But I’d just keep that last bit to myself.
Kate continued, "You're sincere, and the fans will fall in love with you. Just be yourself and you'll be great. So what if you didn't propose at the end? That's only the last five minutes of the season. You did everything else right. The finale is ten weeks away. Just take a deep breath. You've got this."
And somehow, by the time she was done speaking, I did feel a lot better. I was still nervous, but not on the verge of an ulcer attack anymore.
"Now give me a hug before you go out there and give the crowd the eye candy they’ve been dying to ogle over."
So I pulled her into my arms and gave her the hug I hadn’t realized I’d been craving since the moment she came back into my life. And as I embraced her, I couldn't help but think how nice she felt in my arms.
She was just the right height that her head fit perfectly against my chest. And she smelled amazing.
She’s also married. And you're getting engaged.
That reality check brought me back to the present.
I cleared my throat and stepped back, letting her go even though I really didn’t want to. "Thanks for the pep talk."
She tucked some of her blonde hair behind her ear and gave me an encouraging smile. "It's all true. Gwen's a lucky girl.”
But when I studied her eyes, there was something in them that made me wonder what she was thinking about.
What she thought about how our paths had gone after the night we’d never talked about.
But before I could wonder too much about that, a stagehand knocked and opened the door to tell me it was time to go.
Kate followed me out the door to watch me from backstage.
"Is there anything else I can do for you?" she asked as they checked my mic.
Just having her calming presence nearby was helpful enough, but I decided to switch things up and ask her opinion on something.
"What do you think of dogs?"
Kate screwed up her face in a confused look.
"It's kind of a really important thing for me to know about my handler." I gave her the most serious expression I could muster.
She shrugged. "I like them in theory, I suppose. I mean, they're good for other people to have… But to be honest, I'm more of a cat person.”
And with that one answer I couldn’t help but wish I’d tried harder to fix things years ago. Because if I had, I might have been able to avoid this whole mess in the first place.
Because I probably would have been with her.
