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James
Why in the hell, do I feel so angry?
God damn it. Mattheo has been home for a week from the Philippines, but hasn't even bothered to come around and show himself. Not even a phone call. Does he care or is he just done?
I don't know.
If he only knew what he was doing to Alexa.
I slam a fist into an empty hand. It's hard for me to admit it, but things were better when he was around. I don't understand it fully yet, but I know he brings something different to our weird dynamic.
I sit down and rub my hands together. One month.
It's just been me and Alexa for one entire month, and she’s still so mopey. She cries almost every time we’re together over Mattheo. Does she really love him that much?
She claims to love us both equally. So much so that she can't choose between us.
A fleeting thought runs through my head, but instead of moving on, it stops and takes root. Maybe, just maybe, he’s the one she really wants, but she can't bring herself to be honest with me, or even with herself.
I mean, let's be truthful here, big guy.
Hmm… sum up what you know.
I hang my head and just wonder for a moment about the evidence in front of me. I rethink all of our conversations and all of her behaviors during the past few weeks.
Yeah, look at the facts, what have you seen and heard?
One- she avoided me for three weeks. Never returned a single call.
Two- when I finally did get her to come out with me, she cried about Mattheo because she thinks he left because he couldn't accept this type of relationship.
Three- she stopped the make-out session the other night and wouldn't go further.
Four- when I asked if she wanted Mattheo there, her answer was yes.
I stand up and grab a handful of my hair.
"Oh, my fucking god."
I’m now convinced that shedoeslove him more than me and just can't tell me.
Pacing back and forth in the room, I punch the air like I’m fighting someone.
I don't know what I’m going to do with this newfound realization. It’s not like I can be mad at her. I’ve basically pushed myself in her face all this time. Forced her to be with me when all signs point to Mattheo.
NO.I love her. And this crazy train of mine keeps picking up speed.
As I continue to let the train pick up speed, I throw Mattheo under it.
What in the fuck is up with him?
He plays so hot and heavy with that 'may the best man win' bullshit, and then disappears without a fucking trace.
Alexa just keeps pining away for him. Maybe, I should just man up and admit defeat. Not before I whip his ass into shape, though.
This playboy is done playing.
I need to call the man, but I don't want to. He doesn't deserve her, especially not the way he has acted since the threesome on the yacht.
