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Chapter Seven
The next two days were distressingly normal. The mundane tone of it all didn’t set right in my gut, putting me on edge at every turn. Like I shouldn’t be acting this way, like a regular girl. Doing all the things regular girls do during the day only to be tormented by way nightmares every night. Waking up in a cold sweat and panic only to me held by the men that love me most. At night I let myself fall apart, having lost count how many times I watched them burn only to wake up in the morning and pretend everything was right with the world. Mara tolerated zero slip ups, and it was nice at first. Until my skin started to crawl and my stomach formed a heavy acidic knot, from everything I’m feeling locked inside me. I did it anyway, knowing she needed this time with me as much as I needed it with her. But life wasn’t normal. My life hasn’t been since I was born, let alone after enrolling here at Clavemore. I ignore the stares of my former classmates as I sit on the hood of the car Carlton gifted me. Calling it an early wedding present. Tate got it legalized for me yesterday, his hand nearly clenching so hard he broke the glass he was holding when I requested he’d put the transfer upon death in Mara’s name. They seem to take the whole pretending everything is honky dory thing seriously. As if I didn’t know they were transferring their cars to Sleepy along with most everything else they own. A small smile plays at my lips, they had done that months before they met me.
Yet they insist they don’t even like him that much. Men are weird as fuck.
Things at the crack haven’t been much better, but not necessarily worse either. I, on the other hand am getting worse, quickly. I nearly cried at the sight of myself. The puffy dark circles under my eyes this morning that only seem to get worse the longer I’m awake. My hair is dull, no trace of its normal shine. More brittle than it’s ever been before, even running my fingers through it produces an alarming clump. I’m going to look like a fucking corpse on my wedding day and there’s not enough makeup in the world to hide my exhaustion. The cool air nips through my jacket as Mara finally emerges from the main building, quickly scurrying over to her car, her tan over the shoulder bag flopping against her thigh as she runs. We had to hide my wedding dress in her apartment to avoid Milo, Tate, and Sleepy finding it. I nearly died of laughter when I got home from our spa day yesterday to find them searching the house like they were canvassing a crime scene. I slip down the hood, the burning in my veins prickling painfully. It’s almost constant now, the pain. The urge to let it loose every ounce. I think I understand now why Brandon took things to the extreme the way he did for money. For more drugs. This power... it’s an addiction. Each time I let a little out here and there, it’s never enough. I want more.
It will never be enough until I’ve purged it all from beneath my skin.
I bite down on my inner cheek as Mara runs over the large garment bag draped delicately over her arms, “Are the twins gone?” She asks, pulling away the dress when I reach for it. I roll my eyes, “Yes, as per your request they are staying at The Order’s housing.”
She frowns, finally handing my dress over, “Like in the cave?” I nod, understanding her concern. We broke her own rule and had an in-depth conversation shortly after leaving the twins on day one. “Isn’t that like super dangerous? What if they lose control?” My cheeks heat with a hefty combination of embarrassment and shame, “Apparently their control only really slips if I’m around, so as long as I steer clear of them when they’re at the crack we should be fine. It’s uncomfortable, sure but not like it is with me.”
“I give it until midnight before they’re heading straight back to the house.” She grumbles, trying to look more annoyed than she is. I laugh, “I think midnight is generous. Milo threw a whole ass hissy fit half the morning.” We also trashed Tate’s bedroom after they went down on me... three times. Which we’re definitely not supposed to do but also not a terrible way to wake up on the morning before your wedding. As unofficial as it is.
“Well, I’ll be there after work tonight. No way in hell I’m letting you stay in that creepy ass house alone or letting the three of you blow up our world because you couldn’t keep it in your pants.” I smile shaking my head as she helps me load the dress into the car, the sun dipping lower and lower as the watercolor sky gives in to darkness. The bright orange, pinks and violets make my palm twitch with the itch to create something despite it being far from the color palate I typically go for. I haven’t been able to break away from using water as a medium ever since I spilled it on Tate’s painting that day in class. A painting of a woman in that field, although not a dying version of it. I would recognize it anywhere. It was the Underworld, Clotho warning us even then. My thoughts dip and wean only half paying attention to the road as I head home. Grateful the twins took it upon themselves to set up the venue with other members. Making sure every detail is perfect, just the way I would want it. I feel bad for anyone that volunteered to help. Especially considering I have little to do with the followers, but their devotion to me and the twins is infallible all the same. Gifts are tokens from their goddesses, back before the modernization of The Order members weren’t even permitted to look directly at a gift, let alone speak to them. Although I think that had more to do with possessive Harbingers than anything. My faint smile widens. They’ve been the same all this time. Like distant versions of the same group of people, all bound in our duty and devotion. The records of the other Harbingers were extensive. I nearly lost myself reading about them each time, living their lives through the accounts left behind on paper. Their gifts all buried them, mourned them. Some when on to stay with The Order, others took their lives. Very few left and started out on their own. All ended up dead within ten years of the incident that took their soulmates from them.
As if their hearts could only hold out for so long..
It’s a gift’s duty to record and account for everything during and after, a duty I was left out of. My heart aches thinking of how Tate took it upon himself all these years. The time we spent apart filling more pages than the time we spent together, although those are certainly written in more detail. Especially the kinky bits which I still don’t think was necessary to include. It’s hard not to envy the pervious groups. One even found each other in the same family. The family of the triplets who went on to be initiated adopted her. They all found each other playing in a field. Lori tripped stumbling headfirst into Alexander, giving him a bloody nose. My smile fades as a wave of dizziness hits me, making the car swerve slightly. Shaking my head, I will the world to stop spinning and whipping around the car, nausea building in my stomach. I part my lips, breathing past my need to vomit as I reach forward shutting off the music and removing my wide rimmed sunglasses as if that’s going to help me focus on the road ahead. A jolt of concern stabs at me, demanding my focus before everything goes silent. Not even the hum of the engine cuts through. The bond falls hollow in a way that makes me want to scream.
The sky pitches violently as a yelp leaves my throat, the washed sunset jerked away to black in an instant. Robbing the world of light. My car veers left hard, my hands trying to correct my mistake only barely keeping it on the road. I come screeching to a stop as the sky flashes shades of dim blue like lightning strikes but far wider than any I’ve seen. My stomach flips, adrenaline pulsing through my veins as my knuckles whiten against the steering wheel. The deep blue flashes and streaks fades into images of places I don’t know, glimpses really. Unfamiliar faces of people that feel like family. An old worn out book bound in red string. My eyes strain and water staring at the brief flutter of a hazy picture displayed across the sky as my heart hammers in my chest.
Is this it? Has it finally happened?
The longer I look, the more my eyes burn, begging for relief.
Was that our house? No, maybe?
I lean forward, water now streaming down my cheeks from the effort to keep my eyes snapped wide. The only sound is my pulse in my ears as the flashes continue. A man... no, a woman. Me? Loose wraps of red rope float around my body.
No, not my body...
An almost animalistic scream rips through my throat as I’m lurched back to reality. My arms shaking on the wheel as my chest heaves. “Ma’am? Ma’am? Is everything okay?” I pant, turning back to the cruel brightness of the dipping sun. A tall man looking equal parts annoyed and freaked out stares down at me from my divers’ side window. His eyes darting towards the sunset, as if he’s trying to see what I saw. “Ma’am?”
“I... I’m fine. Sorry.” I mutter the shakiness in my voice, making even me doubt those words.
I’m not fine. I need to get home.
I shake my head, trying to dispel the black haze lingering at the edges of my vision as the bond opens back up. The faint glow of the twins’ emotions giving me the push I need to move again. I look up blanching when I realize my car is completely blocking the opposite lane. People are scowling at me while others stare at the guy that got out to check on me. As if he’s responsible for giving answers to the group. I quickly throw my car in reverse as my phone starts ringing, Tate’s name and picture filling the screen.
Breathe. Just breathe.
Tate
Another blimp, another vision.
My heart thumps wildly in my chest, despite having just spoken to our little gift. Milo glares absent-mindedly at the stone wall of the room. As if it’s the root of all our problems.
Everything is fine. She’s fine.
“Remind me why we aren’t there with her again?” Milo asks, his leg bouncing anxiously where he’s sitting at the small table and chairs inside the cool room. Between the small portable heater and the light from candles, it’s more than enough to burn away the chill of being this far underground but in the fall, I certainly wouldn’t call it comfortable. Seems colder than I ever remember it being. Doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out why. I open my mouth to answer but I don’t have one. Not a good one, anyway. Just the same ridiculous ramblings of Mara. Insisting it would be bad luck to see Kita before the wedding.
We only have so much time together...
The thought sends lethal darts through the bond just as a small knock fills the room, “Come in.” The worn face of our father peeks in from behind the heavy door, only adding to our foul mood, “I bought dinner.” He says, holding up a bag of takeout.
Milo nods in thanks, reaching for the food, “Kita?”
