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We enter the elevator again, and Brian immediately begins snickering. “I think Ellie has the hots for you, Drew.”
Ash stares at his feet from where he’s slumped against the elevator wall.
Because I’m in the mood to be a total prick, I smile at Sean and Brian. “Yeah? Sheispretty hot.”
“You gonna go for that, bro?” Sean nudges my ribs with his elbow.
Sean and Brian think I’ve been single for so long because I’m a bachelor who enjoys his privacy. So be it. I shrug nonchalantly and wink at them to give them the answer they expect as the elevator comes to a stop.
Maybe it’sbecause he’s so down, but Ash puts on an incredible show. More incredible than the previous ones.
I feel like my performance is better than usual, too. Not to say that I slack off or don’t try my best each night, but tonight I channel all my fury into hitting the drums. I don’t focus on Ash or his tight ass in his jeans. Don’t think about Lizette planning their fucking wedding. I just drum. It’s not hot by any means, but from how much I’ve strained myself on the drums, I end up sweating and taking my shirt off, which always makes the crowd go crazy.
Ash looks back at me once my shirt’s off, and I feel a sense of satisfaction as his eyes dip to my six-pack and the V that juts out from my pants. I make sure not to look at him or pay him any mind. He won’t be getting any of this during the encore, and he better well know it.
He ends the song on a high note, scream-singing at the top of his lungs, and then my drums fade out until I’m barely tapping, the guitar and bass go silent for less than a second, and we seamlessly move along into the next song—the song our album is named after. As soon as it begins, a knot forms in my throat. I tell myself to keep my shit together, but “Home by June'' always gets to me. I guess it doesn’t matter how mad I am at Ash; the song digs its way underneath my skin, into the deep crevices and cracks of my being, and brings back a flood of memories.
When Ash first showed me the lyrics, tears fell down my cheeks and they didn’t stop for a long time. “Home by June” is primarily about my mother; how she noticed Ash and took him in when he was struggling to get out of his parents’ house. The first time Ash showed the song to Mom, she sobbed and clutched both of us. I wonder what she thinks about him getting engaged. Has she called him? In a way, Ash is her second son.
Not only is the song touching and haunting, but it brings up memories that I’d rather block out. I shut my eyes and wipe the sweat from my brows as I’m tortured with the memory of our first kiss, the family dinners we shared, the movies we watched while snuggled up in the basement—I see it all like it happened days ago.
I open my eyes and stare up at the blinding stage lights up above me so I can feel something other than the sinking weight that pulls at my chest.
“I’ll be home by June, I just don’t know it yet. I never knew home could feel like you…”Ash sings low and slow as he stands unmoving at center stage. His hands wrap around the mic as he continues, his voice growing a little louder. He sings about falling in love and being home with family for the first time. As the song comes to its end, I try to wipe my eyes as discreetly as possible.
We exit the stage in between the last song and the encore, and I make a point not to go to my dressing room. Ash walks past me and into his, and his body being close in proximity to my own makes the hair all over my body stand up. I’m angry and devastated and longing for him all at once. My head spins with the rush of emotions and from the exhaustion I’ve felt over the past twenty-four hours.
I make my way to a small fridge in the lounge area backstage and grab an energy drink. I chug half of it before I realize the local opening band, whose name I regrettably already forgot, watches me from the futons. I’m sweaty and a little embarrassed as they look at me with big, star-stricken smiles.
“Uh, sorry. Didn’t see you guys there,” I murmur.
One of the members, a guy a little shorter than me with short platinum hair on one side and teal hair on the other, rises to his feet and comes up to me. The rest of the band continues on in whatever conversation they were having before I came in.
“Hi,” the guy says. He’s got very blue eyes, like the clearest of beaches. His face is more feminine than my own—fewer sharp edges and more soft curves along his jawline and cheekbones. But, he’s admittedly handsome. A light dusting of facial hair decorates his jaw and neck. “I’m Theo.”
Theo stretches out his hand and I take it in my own. “Hi. Drew.”
He grins which reveals a smiley piercing dangling by his front teeth. “You guys are even more phenomenal in person. I’ve been a fan for a long time.” Theo shifts his feet where he stands, clearly a little nervous. “Sorry, I’m not trying to be weird.” He laughs. “I was just really excited when I learned we got to open for you.”
I take a long swig of my drink. I can hear the crowd going nuts, and know it’ll be time to go back on stage in a minute or so. “Thanks. And no need to apologize. It’s always fun to meet new bands while on the road.”
Theo’s eyes twinkle a little. “Listen—I know you’re busy as fuck, but if you want to hang with us later, I think we may be going to a couple of bars. We’re from around here, so we could show you the lesser-known places.” Theo winks. Is he flirting with me? God, I’ve been wrapped up in the same man for so long that I don’t even know if he’s simply being nice or flirting. I feel pitiful.
“Uh, sure. Maybe,” I say. I don’t want to commit to anything, but I don’t really want to say no, either, which surprises me.
He pulls out a cracked iPhone and opens his contacts. I quickly type in my number and rush off to the stage.
