Page 77 of April Renegade


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“I know it’s a little shocking, to say the least. But it’s not uncommon, either, when you look at the music industry just in the last few decades.” My voice shakes, but I continue. “We’re here today because—well, I don’t want to live a lie anymore, Pete. It’s been a decade of hiding who I am. I realize it would have been easier if I’d been upfront from the very beginning.” I pause and look at my hands which are tightly clenched in my lap. “Truthfully, I was too scared ten years ago. Shit, I’mstillscared. But I don’t want to live a lie anymore.”

Mike leans over to me and squeezes my shoulder. His act of affection eases my tension a little, even when Pete says nothing. My internal organs tighten up more and more as the seconds tick by in silence.

Mike must feel the awkwardness in the air, too. After he removes his hand from my shoulder, he leans over to face Pete. “What are you thinking?”

Pete runs a hand through his hair and shakes his head. “I’m shocked, I guess. I wondered why you two would be flying out for a meeting, but I thought it had to do with the engagement or a new project—this—this wasn’t on my radar at all.” Pete chuckles and shifts in his seat. “So, you want to come out, and you want to know where to go from here?”

Mike and I nod in unison.

Pete blows out a long breath. “We can figure something out. It’s been a little while since the break up now. I haven’t been paying attention to it online. Has it died down for the most part?”

“Yes,” Mike says. “The tabloids have moved on to another Kardashian scandal or something.” He throws his hands in the air, making it seem like he has no idea about it, but I know damn well that he watches the Kardashian shows on longer flights.

Pete nods. “Okay. What are you thinking, Ash?”

“I’d like to do an interview.”

Pete arches a brow, and Mike looks at me in surprise. I haven’t mentioned to him that I’ve been in contact with a few journalists in the past week.

“An interview with whom?” Pete asks.

“Rolling Stoneor perhapsMojo. I’m also currently in contact with a journalist atGQ. Obviously, I’d like both of your opinions before I move forward.”

Before Pete can intercept, Mike looks at me and asks, “Which wouldyoube most comfortable with?”

I consider his question carefully. I’m grateful that he gave me the space to think about it before Pete told me his thoughts, because I know he’d probably preferRolling Stone.

“I think I’d feel most comfortable with the journalist fromGQ. They would want to do an extensive photoshoot as well, but I’m okay with that.”

Mike nods. “GQit is. Sound good, Pete?”

Pete stares at Mike, dumbfounded. I have a feeling Pete isn’t used to being talked to so casually anymore. Ever since his father retired, Pete has unfortunately grown a large head.

“When would the interview be?”

“Soon. Their original cover story slot fell through a few days ago. That’s why I was approached by the journalist in the first place.” I never would have considered reaching out toGQon my own, and when the journalist, Jason Ambrose, hit me up, I was shocked.

Pete nods again. “Okay. Well, I guess that’s what we’ll do. The only thing I will say is this—and it’s just to err on the side of caution.” Pete takes a sip of water and wipes at his forehead. “If this goes south after the interview, we might have to… reevaluate.”

Reevaluate. I mull the word over in my head.

After an awkward silence, Mike crosses a leg over a knee and asks, “Are you saying you’ll drop the band if there’s backlash?”

My breathing hitches.Seriously?I knew it was a possibility, but I didn’t think Pete would consider not renewing our contract almost immediately.

Pete holds his hands up in the air, as if in surrender. “Let’s not jump to any conclusions. You both know how near and dear April Renegade is to me.” He places a hand over his heart, and I’m overcome with the sudden urge to punch him. “But we need to see how this goes over with fans. I would never in my wildest dreamswantto not renew the contract, but if this doesn’t go over well, we’ll have to meet again and talk logistics.”

There isn’t much more to discuss after that. Mike and I say our goodbyes and are led out of his office.

“Is it me, or did his ‘not wanting to renew the contract’ sound a whole lot like healreadymade that decision?” I ask Mike as soon as we get into the car.

Now that the meeting is over, we’re hauling ass back to the East Coast, more than ready to get out of California.

Mike runs his hands down his face. “What afucker.”

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