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ChapterTwenty-Six
I lookedaround the small room, bursting with life.It was totally at odds with the situation we were in.The monitors, wires, and alarms hooked up to Uncle Ray seemed to fade into the background as my small family took center stage.Ben was only marginally more restrained than usual as he bounced up and down on the floor, peppering us with questions.
"They're gonna cut you open, Papa?For real?"
"For real, buddy," Uncle Ray said.The bed was propped up so he was sitting up in a reclining position.His skin was still washed out and gray in a way that reminded me of a cold winter day, not of the ruddy faced man I knew.But he was enjoying Ben's questions and twice had told me to leave him alone when I'd tried to get my son to sit down.I didn't take my eyes off him, though; I was terrified with all his bouncing, he would trip over a cord or fall on the bed and hurt Uncle Ray.
Sara Beth sat in a chair by the window.She was working on a project from her ever present knitting bag.The needles clacked as they worked, but she wasn't paying attention to her work.Her eyes were fixed on Uncle Ray; the worry in them evident.
In all the three years that Sara Beth had been part of our lives, I'd never known her to look tired or lacking in energy in any way.She was always dressed in a track suit or some other clothing that would allow her to stay active and keep moving.Even at sixty, she prided herself on running five to ten kilometers a day.I'd taken her up on her invitation to join her for a run only once.Keeping up with her pace left me gasping for breath and clutching my chest, but she'd never left me behind.Her supportive words of encouragement kept me from quitting.
Sara Beth was the most positive person I knew, and not in that fake, syrupy way.She had a genuine kindness about her, and I don't think I'd ever heard her utter a negative word.When I watched her, sitting in the corner of Uncle Ray's room, she didn't say a word, but I could see that she was just as terrified as I was.
"Tell me how they're gonna do it," Ben pleaded and hopped closer to the bed, knocking the table on his way.
Andrew caught the dinner tray before it crashed to the floor.It was still full of food, if you could call what they were allowing Uncle Ray to eat food.He put the tray out of harm's way on the counter on the other side of the room and said, "Ben, for God's sake—"
I shot him a look and he changed tracks."Come here, Ben," Andrew said, his voice much softer.Ben did as he was told and walked over to where his...where Andrew sat.Much to my surprise, and probably Ben's too, Andrew scooped him up and sat with him on his lap close to the bed so he could see Uncle Ray without jumping up.Ben let Andrew hold him.For the moment, he was content to sit still.
Watching them together, the way I'd always wanted them to be, I wanted to cry.Or scream.Why now?
I couldn't deal with it.I couldn't deal with anything.I needed to get out of there.The walls of the room seemed to grow even closer, if that was even possible in the tiny space.I turned in a circle, trying to think of a reason to leave.
"Mrs.Titan?Lexi?"Patricia, the nurse, poked her head in the room.
"Yes?"
"You have a phone call."
"A phone call?Where?"I glanced at the crowded table next to Uncle Ray's bed.It was covered in tissues, magazines, and flowers, but no phone.
"At the nurses’ station," Patricia said."We don't usually accept personal calls, but the gentleman insisted it was important."
Leo.
I turned around to look at Ben, who was deep in discussion with Uncle Ray about one of his monitors.Andrew, however, was watching me intently, his eyes full of questions I couldn't answer.
Not now.
I turned again and followed Patricia out of the room.
Leo
I'd almost given up hope when Lexi's voice came on the line.
"Leo?"
She knew.
"Of course," I said."How are you?Is your uncle...is he okay?"
"He's okay right now.But he needs surgery."I could hear the tremble in her voice and I longed to hold her, to be there to comfort her."Leo, I'm sorry I le—"
"No.You have nothing to be sorry about.You need to take care of this."
"I meant to call; there just never seemed to be a good time.And I can't have my cell phone on here.It's just...something always came up and..."
She started to cry.I could hear her sniff and swallow as she tried to control herself.
