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"Understand how I could be so reckless?How I could do something totally and completely irresponsible like get pregnant on holiday and then hide the truth from my husband?I'm such a fool.You must think I'm awful."
"No," he said."I don't think you're awful.In fact, I'm wondering what I did so wrong in raising you."
"Pardon me?"I pulled back and stared at him.
"Lexi, did I teach you to deny yourself love?"he asked, but didn't wait for an answer before adding, "Maybe it was my fault.I tried so hard to do right by you, to give you all my attention.But I never did give you the example of a proper loving relationship.I guess I always thought it was enough that your mother and father had that."
What was he saying?
"This was not your fault, Uncle Ray," I said."I know how to love.I didn't give it up."
"Didn't you?"His question pierced me."Isn't that what you're doing again?"
"No."I shook my head.
"Lexi?"
"It's not," I said."It's different.I just can't deal with all of this right now."I tried to block out the memory of Leo's voice on the phone."It's too much."
"Then when?You can't put off living forever.One day it'll be too late."
"Don't say that."
He chuckled, but the sound was weak."I don't mean me."Uncle Ray rubbed my hand and his touch inspired a fresh bout of tears."One thing makes sense though," he said.
"What's that?"
"I've been asking you for years why you stay with Andrew when you're both so obviously unhappy.Now I know."
"He's not a bad man."
"No, Andrew's a good man," he said.His voice was soothing and calm, a sharp contrast to my own."But just because a man is good doesn't mean he's good for you."
I turned away.
"And now that I know the truth, it makes more sense.You're a good girl, Lex."He patted my arm but still I didn't look at him."You're raising a great boy.And you didn't do anything wrong when you met his father."
I swallowed hard.
"But you did do wrong when you lied to your husband.And you've done wrong to Ben's father and to your own heart.You don't need me to tell you what you already know.It's time to make it right, Lex."
I knew Uncle Ray would tell it to me straight.He never minced words.I turned back to him and took his hand.
"And, Lexi?"
I nodded.
"It's okay.You don't need to punish yourself anymore."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Yes you do.It's clear to me that this man Leo lights a spark in you.I can see it when you say his name.You don't have to deny yourself that love because of a mistake you made many years ago.Take it from me, Miss Muffet, life is shorter than you might think."
"Don't talk that way."I adjusted the sheet over his chest so I wouldn't have to see the electrodes fixed there.
"Well, what good am I if I can't impart my wisdom on you?"He smiled."I waited too long to find Sara Beth.She's a good woman, and she makes this old, clogged-up ticker sing."He released my hand to pat his chest."I haven't had as long with her as I'd like and I wouldn't trade any of it.But if I have one regret, it's that I waited too long to let myself find love.Don't make my mistake, Lexi."
"But, Ben."
