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“No, I—”
“Are more beautiful than the day I met you.”My eyes locked on hers and I held them until I could see it in her that she believed what I said.I let my hands slide down her body, just tracing the swell of her breasts before they gently cupped her tummy and the life she grew inside.I held my breath before I asked the question I both dreaded the answer to and wanted to know more than anything.Of course I was excited about the baby.More than excited.But I was also cautious.Hesitant because of the losses we’d already suffered.Each one broke me more than the last and I knew the pain I went through was nothing compared to the total devastation Lexi felt every time the bleeding started.
My hand rubbed a small circle on the bump that seemed bigger than any of the others.In fact, I couldn’t remember seeing a bump before at all.No indication that there was life inside before it was gone.I could never decide what was worse.Finally, I found the courage to ask, “How long?”
Her mouth twitched up in a small smile before it disappeared.
I didn’t want to get my hopes up.I couldn’t.But when she said, “Thirteen weeks,” my brain did the quick calculation.Just over three months.Longer than any other pregnancy we’d had.Much longer.Long enough that...maybe...
“Thirteen?”
She nodded.
“So...it’s...”
Lexi shrugged.“I hope so.When I saw the doctor, she—”
“You already saw the doctor?”
She nodded.“About a week ago.”
“And you didn’t tell me?”
“I didn’t want to worry you.”
Something that wasn’t quite anger, but wasn’t too far off either, rose inside me.How could she keep something like this from me?How could she possibly think that I wouldn’t want to know about a baby?Ourbaby.
“Lexi...”My hands clenched into fists at my sides and I turned away.I needed space.I needed to breathe so I didn’t get upset with her, but—damn.I couldn’t wrap my brain around it.“Worry me?”I asked the question without looking at her.I knew what I’d see on her face anyway.I’d see hurt, pain, confusion.All the things I was feeling, too.
“Yes,” she said.I could hear her move, likely wrapping the towel around her body again, closing herself off to me.“Every time this happens, it ends badly.I didn’t want you to...I couldn’t...”
“What?”I turned and saw the tears in her eyes.“What didn’t you want?”
Her voice was soft, barely a whisper when she said, “I couldn’t stand to see you disappointed again when it didn’t work out.”
I closed the gap between us and held her tight, needing to feel the closeness between us when there was clearly so much distance.I couldn’t stand it.I needed her close.I needed her to understand that there should only ever be closeness between us.“Lexi.”I nuzzled into her hair and inhaled the essence of the woman I loved.“There should never be secrets between us.We need to tell each other everything.”She stiffened in my arms and I knew instantly I’d made a mistake.
She pulled slowly out of my grasp.“You’re right, Leo.”Her eyes were dark and hard as she assessed me.“There shouldn’t be secrets between us.So why don’t you tell me exactly what you’ve been keeping from me?”
~Lexi~
It wasn’t at all how I’d wanted to tell Leo about the baby and I definitely hadn’t wanted to confront him about Oasis the way I had, but sometimes things just worked out in ways you didn’t expect and ultimately, it was a good thing.We needed to get everything out in the open and say what needed to be said.Although, the look on his face almost broke me.Something deep inside hurt to know that there was something that might be broken between us.Something that never should have been allowed to break.But now that I’d said what I needed to say, I couldn’t go back.Nor should I.
“Tell me the truth, Leo.”I softened my eyes and searched his face for the truth I needed to see there.“Tell me what’s going on with this place.What did you do?”
His head dropped momentarily before he stood tall again.“Lexi, I didn’t mean for it to happen the way it did.Of course you know I would never make any decisions about our life without talking to you first.”
I’d thought I’d known that and even though it should have, hearing the words from his lips didn’t reassure me the way I would have thought.Everything Roxanne had told me echoed in my head and everything I’d been feeling all morning crashed down again.Was itourlife he’d been making decisions for, orhis?I reached for his hand, needing to connect with him somehow.“Talk to me, Leo.”
Not knowing what he was hiding from me was killing me.It was exhausting trying to be patient, when that was the very last thing I wanted to do.
“Lexi.”He looked down at his feet and wouldn’t meet my eyes.That’s all I needed to know to understand that I wasn’t going to like what he told me.Yes, I’d kept a secret.But not one that would hurt him and I knew without a doubt that whatever he was about to say was definitely going to hurt me.
My protective instincts took over and I squeezed my eyes shut.Maybe if I couldn’t see him, whatever it was that he was going to tell me wouldn’t be so bad.
“The last thing I want to do is hurt you, Lexi.”
Like a toddler trying to ignore something that they didn’t want to deal with, I shook my head but still wouldn’t open my eyes.
