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ChapterTwenty-Three
Lexi
I didn't wantto make him false promises.I didn't want to tell him anything I wouldn't be able to stay true to.But looking at him across the table, touching him, sharing the knowledge of Ben with him, I wasn't lying when I said, "I'll never walk away from you again."
At that moment, I couldn't imagine my life without Leo in it.But at the same time I had no idea what the future looked like for any of us.I had a child to think about and he already had a father; no matter how absent he was, Andrew was the only dad Ben knew.But he deserved to know his real father, too, didn't he?
Before I could think about it further, Leo brought me out of my own thoughts and directly into his."Okay," he said."I'll tell you about my past, but please know that that's exactly what it is, the past.I'm not that man anymore."
A chill ran through me, and I couldn't stop the shiver that I knew he saw.I swallowed."Okay," I said.There was nothing he could tell me that would change my opinion of him.
"I'm not proud of my past," he said, "but after you left, it's strange, but things kind of fell apart for me.I think you'll understand if I tell you that even after knowing you for a few days, I knew I loved you."
I nodded.I understood all too well.
"The worst thing I ever did was not meet you in the lobby."
"But your career," I said."I know how important that is to you.I remember you telling me about your dreams.I understand why you had to go."
He reached for my hand.Nothing felt more natural.
"That's just it.My career was always the most important thing in my life.To the point that I sacrificed love."He squeezed my hand before continuing."And then, I almost threw it away.In fact, I think I did everything I could to throw it away."
"What are you talking about?"
"It was a dark time in my life.I'm not proud of it, but I can't hide it.Especially from you.You need to know everything about me, even the bad stuff.It's part of who I am and I'm a different person now.But my past is part of me."
I felt the room starting to spin and I was glad for Leo's hold on me.What was he going to say?Did I really want to hear it?
"Lexi, please, look at me."
"Tell me."
"I was married," he started."To Tamara.The woman—"
"At the front desk."I didn't have to ask.I knew.I was shaking, vibrating, but I didn't realize it until Leo's grip on my hands loosened and his thumb started making slow circles on my skin, calming me.
"I think I always knew she was interested in me, but I never thought of her that way.Until, well, it was after you left.She said you dropped the phone off and didn't want to take the note.She said you laughed and played it like we were just a Vegas fling."
"But you knew—"
"I thought I knew.I should've known.I didn't trust in us; that's something I have to live with.And when I needed someone to turn to...well, Tamara was there.I guess I mistook lust for love.The whole relationship was a mistake from the beginning and we both knew it."
"What did she look like?"
He seemed stunned by the question."What?Why?"
I couldn't explain it but I had to know.I tried to remember the girl at the desk that day, but I couldn't.As much as I tried, I couldn't conjure her image in my head and for whatever reason, I needed to know.The ball of jealousy burned in the pit of my stomach."Please, just tell me."
He shook his head but said, "She's petite.Dark hair, brown eyes."
The opposite of me.
"Nothing like you," Leo said."I think that's why I turned to her at first.But then it became the problem.She wasn't you."
I forgot that I was supposed to be upset with him and found myself leaning across the table.
"She had me convinced that you'd blown me off.That you wanted nothing to do with me.But you weren't easy to get over, Lexi.That was the whole problem.We started dating, if you could call it that, right away.But I couldn't stop thinking about you.Even when she asked me to get married, it was you I really wanted."
