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She’d given up having a healthy social life so she could grab every opportunity—volunteering for extra work and taking less satisfying assignments in places like Shora. But she got it all done—workwise, at least. Her continuing education and certifications were up to date, there were awards coming to her in the mail, and her name was on the lips of people who mattered in the profession.
Valerie Lawson did damned good work. She was fucking proud of that and the reputation she’d earned, in spite of giving up having a life outside of work. The only reason she’d gotten involved in BDSM in the first place was that she’d been burning the candle at both ends and needed an outlet. She’d wanted to be desired—wanted to betouched—so she’d gone to the club on a whim, thinking that at least there, she could be discreet.
She hadn’t expected fetish would suit her so much. She might have been Type A professionally, but behind closed doors, she was awilling, eager submissive who preferred to let her dom make the decisions. She’d never let her doms be her boyfriends, and she hadn’t even considered pursuing that level of commitment. They all knew that, even if they didn’t like it, and she didn’t feel any angst about the decision.
But, Tim…
“God.” She weighed the book in her hand and let out a slow, sputtering breath through her lips.
He had her brain all scrambled. When he’d curled around her on the bed while she was using his tablet, she’d felt amazingly secure.
Security was a rare sensation for her.
She pulled her feet up beneath her and turned the book open to the first page, but the words blurred. Obviously, the monkey on her back wasn’t going to let herself get distracted when she hadn’t finished thinking about important things.
“What does he want from me?” she asked the room. Of course, the room didn’t answer back, but she thought she knew the answer, anyway. Tim was, at the very least, looking for a permanent submissive, and if what Clay had said held any truth, even more than that. He was looking for commitment.
“I can’t give it to him. I’m so close to getting what I want. I’m blazing a trail for little girls who don’t think they could do it.”
She’d thought for a long time that she couldn’t do it because he mother hadn’t been able to. But then she learned about mistakes that people made that could totally upend their lives, and her mother hadn’t lived long enough to have her second chance.
Valerie wanted to get it right on the first try, not just for her, but for her mother, too. She wasn’t going to let her career trajectory get cut short by distractions, no matter how enticing those distractions were.
No matter how comfortable they made her and howbeautifulshe felt when those distractions completely enveloped her.
Maybe for some women, the lifestyle being with a man like Tim could give them made up for the lack of achievement in other parts of their lives, but Valerie didn’t think she was that woman. Even if the pampering felt great at the moment, and though she’d pondered what theworstwould be that could happen if she offered Tim a little more than private play, in the end, she wouldn’t be able to commit.
She couldn’t let herself get sucked under his current, grinning like a fool when she went down, only to regret it years later.
She’d made a promise to herself, and to make good on it, she couldn’t make any promises toTim.
