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Carine marched solemnly around the table and sat a couple of feet from Heidi.
“It’s past my bedtime, so you’ll have to pardon me if I don’t speak pretty,” Heidi said low. So low, in fact, that Carine had to crane her head closer to hear. She had to be rapt and focused to understand Heidi. Even without establishing their rules, Heidi had already informed Carine of her expectations.
“You dared to ask for some of my time because you couldn’t think of anyone else you wanted to trust right now. Is that accurate?” Heidi asked.
“That’s accurate.”
“And you understand that I am mindful of your partner history and what sorts you generally seek. Yes?”
“I understand.”
Heidi took a sip, staring at Carine as the liquid traveled down her throat. She licked her lips and set the glass at the table’s edge.
She was quiet for so long that Carine worried she wasn’t going to say anything else and that Carine would have to scramble to figure out what her line was supposed to be.
She wanted to squirm so badly under Heidi’s stare but didn’t want to give Heidi the impression that she was apprehensive. While she was indeed uncomfortable, that was only because she was semi-naked and uncinched and not because she was having second thoughts about visiting.
“What do you want to happen to you, Carine?”
“What do I want? I—” Carine pressed her lips tightly together on the crude suggestion that they justfuckso she could feel something, but she knew deep down that Heidi wasn’t going to give her that. Heidi may have been prolific in what she did, but she wasn’t promiscuous. In their community, there was a difference. “I guess I don’t know.”
“Mm. You never do, do you? You show up at Clay’s waiting for experiences but have no idea what you want to feel, what you want to do, or who you want to do it with. That’s an extremely passive way to go through life. Why do you think you do that?”
Carine’s response was about to be, “I have no earthly idea,” but she edited those words in her head. She filtered them, honed what was left, and added a few better ones. “I was raised to be this way, and I was raised not to be curious. Curiosity’s annoying when you have impatient parents.”
“I can be impatient, too. You know that. I believe I’ve managed to turn that flaw into a strength, though, so I’m not going to tell you not to be curious. However, I will tell you not to disregard my boundaries and to respect my time.”
Carine kept waiting for Heidi to say something unreasonable in a bid to scare her out of there, but she hadn’t yet. “I understand.”
“I’m glad you understand. Now, since you don’t know what you want, tell me what you don’t want.”
Carine didn’t know that, either. She was ignorant of the possibilities Heidi could offer, and, therefore, the impossibilities. She grimaced. Heidi was going to start thinking Carine didn’t know anything at all.
“Want me to float some words?” Heidi asked.
“I think that would help.”
“Scenes or freestyle?”
“I don’t know.”
“Okay. Toys or just bodies?”
“I…don’t know?”Why does it have to be an either-or thing?
Carine didn’t want to miss out on anything that could be good, so she didn’t know how to answer Heidi’s questions.
“Do you want pain?”
Carine huffed. “I don’t know.”
“Penetration?”
“Oh, I know that one. Yes.”
“Of?”
Carine shrugged. “Whatever.”
