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I take a few deep breaths, trying to shake my haunting past, and apply the lessons learned.Right now, I need distance from Ingrid.Then I need to find out who helped me when I couldn’t take care of myself.
“Ingrid, I’m headed out.”
She continues talking to Hannah and doesn’t even acknowledge me.
I might as well be invisible.
Feeling sick to my stomach, I walk back to my car and try to focus on good things.Whoever took me home last night—he’s a good thing.I need to do more than thank him.I need to apologize.If I hadn’t seen the video, I wouldn’t believe I’d licked anyone.It’s not like me to do things like that.
Tears slide down my cheeks as I drive home.Wallowing is allowed, but only today.I don’t even want to think how my night would’ve ended if it weren’t for that guy.Maybe I could take out one of those missed connections ads.To the cowboy with the pretty face who drove me home from a party on Friday night—
Then what?I could set up a new email address just for that.But he might not be the kind to read those types of ads.And if more than one person answers, how will I know which one is telling the truth?
The only thing I remember about the guy is how he made me feel safe.How much of that memory is real and how much has been reinforced by the fantasy of being rescued?I may never know.
For years, I ached for a gallant knight on a white horse to pluck me out of my tough situation.But since none came, I muddled through, then built a life for myself.
Some days I still wish for the knight with the white horse.
After a therapeutic drive that involves a fair amount of sobbing, I park outside my house and shake off the weepies.I have a mess to clean up.And stuff to pack.
I grab the broom and sweep the bottle caps into a pile.Sorting will have to wait.Right now, getting the rest of my stuff packed is my priority.I fill Ziploc bags with bottle caps, then crawl around on the floor, finding the stray ones hiding under the furniture.Ingrid might find stray caps after I move out, but I’ve done my best.
Then I head back to find my missing earring.It’s my favorite pair.I’ll be bummed if I lost one.
I move pillows and pull the covers back, but I don’t find an earring.However, I do find a T-shirt that smells of barnyard and barf.
It’s definitely not mine.Maybe my assumptions about last night are all wrong.
