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Giancarlo
PLAYLIST: ? WIRES - THE NEIGHBOURHOOD ?
“Not again, Giancarlo,”Ma sighs with a disappointed shake of her head. “Didn’t we talk about why you shouldn’t do this? You can’t go around hurting yourself.”
I look up to see her behind me in the mirror. Her eyes resemble mine, a deep, earthy brown, but hers possess life even in death. Mine are only a dark vacancy despite being alive.
It’s no surprise. Ma was the bright spot in an otherwise soulless family.
She’s in a wrap dress Pa used to love on her; he hadn’t ever loved her as his wife, but he’d always been taken with her looks. He’d chosen her to birth his heirs for no other reason than her delicate features, dark hair and porcelain skin.
I recognize the wrap dress too well—including the blood stains on the front.
I tear my gaze away from the mirror and focus on the line I’ve prepared.
Today’s a busy day. I’m meeting with Johansson and the investors to discuss the Vittoria’s future. I’ve got to put the final approval on a new party drug we’ll be purchasing from a cartel and then peddling in local clubs. I’ve got to finish putting together my plans for the crew, and the guys I’ll be sending back east.
At seven o’ clock, I’ve got a dinner arrangement at La Pergola. Falynn will be on my arm.
Her name provokes a twang in my chest. Something primitive.
It’s a baseless want to take. Take. Take.
By any means necessary.
“You shouldn’t do it,” Ma says from where she stands. “Gianni, don’t give in. You only make it worse for yourself.”
“I need this for a day like today.” I sweep the rolled up Benjamin Franklin along the white line, inhaling every last grain. The effects are instantaneous, a straight injection to my brain. The all-consuming numbness vanishes, replaced by a hyperactive high. I’m alive from the sober stupor I’ve been in. “Now I can be human.”
“Oh, Gianni…” she moans sadly. “You’ve always been human,mio adorabile ragazzo.”
“You should go. I don’t want you around for my business dealings.”
Pa resented Ma’s kind nature. When she passed away, he told us how it was a great sign of weakness, even for a woman. He questioned how good her genes were after all if she could be so spineless and naive, but it was too late—she’d already birthed him twin boys.
I suspect he blames Ma’s half for me being as fucked up as I am. Imust’veinherited it from her gene pool.
“Take care of yourself,” she pleads one last time as I stride for the door. “Gianni, please—”
I slam the door on her and her pleas. Ma is too pure to still be hanging around. As comforting as her presence is, sometimes I wish she’d just go already. She’d pass on to whatever the fuck comes next.
Giovanni springs to mind. With the amount of blood and suffering on his hands, there’s no way he hasn’t been condemned to rot in hell. He’d be the first one to admit it’s where he was going when he died. He simply didn’t care.
Would he feel differently now that he’s answering to his wrongdoing?
I don’t hate my brother. Quite the contrary, I’ve always been a little obsessed with him. He’s been the better version of myself since as far back as I can remember. I’ve always been the defective one trying to keep up. How does the black sheep reconcile standing on the sidelines and watching the life that should be his?
Giovanni spent his whole life walking around with my face, stealing everything that should’ve been mine.
My twin brother dead.
I should be more devastated, but instead I feel a twisted sense of victory. In the end it’s me who won.
Louis waits outside by the valet. We slide into the backseat of the car I’ll be taking for my meeting with the investors.
“I was hoping to speak with you,” he says minutes into our drive. “I know you’ve got a lot on your plate with the transition, but it’s about Miss Falynn.”
Another primal knot tightens in my chest.
