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Though I don’t open my eyes, I can feel his confusion. “You’re not in the mood. That’s fine. We’ll watch another movie.”
“No, that’s not what I mean. I want to have sex…but I don’t want to try anymore. I don’t want to do the treatments anymore.”
I hold my breath, waiting on his reaction. Conceiving a child has become the centerpiece of our marriage. An heir for Giovanni’s throne.
“The fertility treatments?” He raises a brow, his expression difficult to gauge. When I nod, he says, “You mean you would like to try a different doctor? You don’t want Romano anymore?”
“I don’t want anyone anymore. I don’t want to do them anymore. They make me feel like some kind of lab experiment. They’re exhausting and disappointing. The meds make me feel foggy and not like myself. I don’t like that every time we have sex, it feels like all you care about is filling me with so much of your cum, I can’t possibly not wind up pregnant. I can’t deal with another failed pregnancy. I just want all of it to stop.”
Once the words fall from my lips, I’m surprised by the burden being lifted from my shoulders. It’s short-lived, though, waiting for his reaction. That’s the problem with Giovanni—he’s such an emotional fortress, it’s impossible to tell either way.
He scrubs a hand over his beard. “We’ll talk with Doc Romano about other IVF treatment options tomorrow and go from there.”
My heart sinks. I don’t think I hide it well from my face. I sit speechless, unable to even think up what to say next. I’ve struggled so much just getting to a point where I could voice my true feelings aloud, and it’s meant nothing.
It’ll be like all the other times. Nothing I do or say will change it. This is the life I’ve signed up for.
Doctor Romano agrees to a video appointment before the sun is even done rising in America. He sits in his personal home office and smirks from his end of the camera.
“How are we doing, Mrs. Sorrentino?” he asks slowly. “Have you been following your care plan?”
Both men stare at me, waiting on my answer. Doctor Romano from the screen. Giovanni from the side where he observes. I ignore the weight of both stares and tell them I no longer want to take the medications he’s prescribed.
Doctor Romano frowns. “Which medication?”
“The Amipryl.”
“The Amipryl or the Alitrisin? The Alitrisin can cause an increase of serotonin in your brain, whichmaybeleads to the occasional mood swing, but it’s not common.”
“I told you. The Amipryl.”
“That medicine has never been reported to have that side effect,” he says, folding his hands on his desk. “I believe you might have them mixed up, Mrs. Sorrentino.”
The weight of Giovanni’s stare becomes unbearable. I can feel him from his critical vantage point, judging every word spoken. Doctor Romano says I’m mixing up medications I insist are making me feel bad.
A sigh leaves me as I try to press on and avoid being discredited.
“It doesn’t matter. I no longer want to take any of them.”
“We can certainly take you off in due time, but we’re in the middle of a treatment cycle,” he explains, looking from me to Giovanni. “It’s recommended you do not go cold turkey off these medications. You must be weened off of them gradually over time. Then perhaps when that time comes we can look at another treatment plan.”
“No,” I answer. “I want off them now, and I don’t want to see you anymore—”
“Falynn,” Giovanni says sharply. “There’s no need to be rude to Doctor Romano. Another treatment is a viable alternative.”
“I’m done with treatment plans. I don’t want to do it anymore. I quit!”
Giovanni turns to the camera. “Doctor, please know we appreciate you taking the time to be on this video call with us so early your time. We may have to schedule another session in the future. My wife and I have some things to discuss.”
“Of course, my schedule is always open for you, Mr. Sorrentino,” he says, smirking. “And, Mrs. Sorrentino, please don’t forget what I said about self-fulfilling prophecies. They’re real!”
As soon as the video call ends, Giovanni and I attack each other. He scolds me for being uncooperative and combative during the call. I accuse him of disregarding my feelings about the treatments and medications.
“It would be easier to take more seriously if you had the medication you’re complaining about correct,” Giovanni says.
“It is correct!I’mthe one taking them—Romano always dismisses my concerns!”
“Because you never follow his directions. He explains the importance of following the plan to the letter and you take liberties. You then wonder why nothing is working. You are sabotaging yourself!”
