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“You’re wonderful on the boards and giving to the charities that you do but what else? What makes you tick? What drives you?” she asked.
“Doing right by others. Being a good person.”
“That’s lovely and I’m sure it’s true, but what else? What do you really want in life?”
“A wife, kids, house, dinner with my family on Sunday night with a bunch of kids running around in the backyard. I want the noise and chaos that was my house when I was growing up, and the love.”
I hadn’t meant to be so honest with Hope about what I wanted most in life, with her, to have it come tumbling out of my mouth. I wanted to blame the alcohol or something, but I couldn’t. I had said what was in my heart and I wasn’t going to shy away from it.
“A family man. I can see that about you. How many kids?”
I had never talked to any woman about getting married, much less how many kids I wanted. I knew it wasn’t first date material, but this wasn’t a typical first date and if Hope wanted to know where I saw my future, our future, then she would hear all about it.
“At least four,” I said and she laughed.
“Four? Is that because you’re one of four?”
“Possibly, but I like the idea of having two boys and two girls and each of them being able to have a brother and a sister.”
“Then they can pick and choose who they like?”
I laughed. “I hadn’t thought of it that way, but yes. Though hopefully one isn’t left out.”
“You never know how close siblings are or aren’t going to be. I wasn’t very close to Faith when I was younger. I was closer to Grace, but now that we’re older, I’m close to both, but even more so to Faith. Things change. That’s a lovely dream to have,” she said.
“Oh, it isn’t a dream. Well, I guess it is now, but I’m going to make it a reality.”
“Now, there’s the driven MacKinlay Bennett I know so well.”
“Here I thought I was being spontaneous and interesting, not the same guy you know.”
“You are, but there’s more. I keep seeing more and more of you and I like what I see.”
“I’m glad. Now, your turn. What do you want to be when you grow up?”
“Today? This week? Honestly, it changes so much it’s hard to say. I’m working on a book or at least doing research so I can write a book. Faith thinks I need to get a synopsis going and then see if I can get a publishing contract.”
“But you don’t want to do that?”
“They are hard to get, almost impossible now unless you know someone or are someone. I don’t, I’m not.”
“Yes. you are. You’re a graduate from Columbia with a PhD in English Literature.”
“A dime a dozen especially in New York and that isn’t even considering Harvard, Yale, Stanford, or all the other colleges that offer the same degree. It doesn’t set me apart; it just shows that I like to stay in school.”
“It shows that you can and want to finish something. How many people started with you in the master’s program and didn’t even finish, much less go all the way to get their doctorate?” I asked.
“Not too many, but still enough are doing what I’m doing for me to not be that special,” she said.
“Who says you have to be special. I mean, you’re special to me and I’m sure whatever book you write will be amazing. You don’t have to be the next Jane Austin or Virginia Woolf. I understand that if you’re going to do something you should be the best at it, but that isn’t always the case. I’m damn good at my job, but I’m not the best, not even close. I don’t let that get me down, I don’t let that change how I do my work. You are you and you are going to do the best you can do with who you are and there’s nothing wrong with that.
“I’m sure any book you write will be incredible, but it will never get written if you keep thinking that it has to be an instant bestseller. Even Jane Austin didn’t get that.”
“Well, she did eventually,” Hope said.
“Right, eventually. Write because you want to, because you can, because you have a story you want to share. What drew you to the story you’re thinking of writing?” I asked.
“The area, the people, the struggle, the horror, but also the love and joy people found among everything else. I like knowing or trying to understand what it was like for people back in World War II and what they had to endure. We don’t do that anymore. Things come too easy for us, and we forget the sacrifices that were made by the people who came before us,” she said.
