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“Is that because you’re worried about writing it or you don’t have enough information?”
“Both actually. I’m still figuring out who my characters are, what makes them angry, what makes them happy, what turns them on.”
I wanted to ask Hope what turned her on, but I held my tongue. It wasn’t the right time or place for that conversation. Instead, I asked, “You really need to know that much about them?”
“It helps. The more I know, the more I can mold them, so to speak. I will know how they will react to what happens in the story. It should be in the same way that you know how much Bailey or JD loves Thanksgiving dinner but hates cranberries or doesn’t watch scary movies. It’s the little things about a character that will help you flesh them out and make them more believable to the reader.”
“It sounds like a lot of work, but ultimately will make your job easier. You won’t have to second guess a decision you make for the characters; you’ll know them so well and so will your readers,” I said.
“Yes. That’s the plan, but I keep doing more and more research instead of actually writing. I feel like I haven’t done anything when I have. I kept telling myself that I have and it will all be worth it when the novel is done. If it’s ever done,” she said.
“Don’t think that way. I’m sure you’ve done a lot. You’ve been working on achieving this goal since you went to college. Even since you started in pre-school if you really think about it. All the education, all that you have done, has brought you to this point. Even with all of that, you have to take all that training, all that education, and put it to work. It isn’t going to happen overnight. Don't be so hard on yourself.”
“I’ll try, if you take your own advice,” she said and took a sip of her wine.
“What do you mean? I’m not hard on myself.”
“Are you trying to tell me that you don’t work hard, that you don’t worry about your family and what you’re doing and what you can do to make their lives easier, even at the detriment of yourself?”
I reached across the table and took Hope’s hand in mine. “You know that being with you, going on this date, spending time with you was never and never will be a chore.”
“Good. I wasn’t talking about that.”
“I never wanted to run my family’s company, that was always for Walker to do. He’s doing a finer job than I ever could.” I stated emphatically.
“You’ve had that question asked of you a few too many times, haven’t you?” she asked.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to take it out on you. I don’t get why everyone assumes that I wanted to be the head, the face of the company, simply because I was born first. I didn’t and I’ll never understand why people just assumed that I did. Walker is excellent at it, no one would do a better job and I’m proud of him.”
“Good, that wasn’t what I was talking about. Did you like playing wingman to your brothers as they dated all the women they could and you didn’t?”
I stared at her dumbfounded for a few seconds. Of all the things that she would ask me, of all the things that I expected her to say to me, I never would have guessed that.
“Are you asking me if I was a player in disguise?”
“Well, yes, I guess,” she said and blushed.
“I never thought of it that way. Yes, I did go out with my brothers, and yes, I did like to party and enjoyed my youth and during that time, I let them have their share of women. It wasn’t hard with JD, and Walker just kind of went along with it. I never wanted it, I never needed it. I’m not the type of guy who wants a different girl on my arm every night of the week. Honestly, when I went out with my brothers, I was just happy to be out with them, and have a good time being out. They seemed so much cooler than me. I enjoyed playing wingman, or whatever, as long as we spent time together.
“They tried to set me up with women. If you think I was a good wingman, it really was JD. He could rope a group of women over and have them eating out of his hand in no time. I just wasn’t as into being with some random woman as they were. They realized that quickly and they left me alone.”
“Really?” she asked.
“Yes. I meant it when I said I want a family, a house, kids, all that, and I have wanted that since I was a teenager. It wasn’t cool. It wasn’t what kids said or did, so I never really told anyone. It was probably why I might have seemed standoffish or that I wasn’t into women in the same way my brothers were. I just looked at dating differently. I still do,” I said.
“Good,” Hope said with a nod
I could tell my answer pleased her and it made me wonder what other misconceptions she or the rest of the world had about me. Though, as long as she could see that I was serious about being with a woman and that I was with her, that was all I cared about, then my dream of making her mine was that much closer
Chapter 18
Hope
The evening passed in the blink of an eye. The food and wine flowed as did the conversation. Mac had always been easy to talk to, but he seemed freer, more himself while we ate than I had ever seen him before. Even more so than when we were at McCarthy’s. It was like he had been holding himself back when we had been out before, and now he was letting me see who he really was. I loved every moment of it.
I don’t know what possessed me to ask him about his past, about why he hadn’t dated much, but I needed to know. It was something that hadn’t sat right with me. He was the best-looking brother of all the Bennett’s and the only reason I could think as to why a woman wouldn't want to be with him is because he stepped aside for his brothers.
Him telling me about how he wanted to get married and have a family only added to his sexiness. I liked a man who knew what he wanted and wasn’t afraid to say it, even if it wasn’t considered the norm. I had thought his feelings towards his future and how he wanted to spend it were recent. I wasn’t sure what to do with the fact that it was something he wanted from a young age.
