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It was very difficult.
But once I kneeled on the floor, finally submitting to him, I felt relieved. It was nice to give up my control and allow him to take charge. It was nice not to think or worry. I had no voice, so there was no point in predicting situations before they arose.
All I had to do was listen.
When he struck me, I wasn’t expecting it. When he fucked my mouth so aggressively, I wasn’t sure if I could handle it. And when he took me on the bed like I was a prisoner rather than a woman, I nearly broke.
But I held on.
A part of me enjoyed Calloway behaving like a dictator. He was strong and authoritative, and that turned me on somehow. But it also reminded me of the men who tried to do the same, who’d tried to rule me into submission.
I had to keep reminding myself that the situations weren’t the same.
There was one thing I knew for sure. Being hurt by Calloway in the playroom was far less painful than losing him. I couldn’t handle any more lonely nights. I couldn’t handle the possibility of him being with someone else. I couldn’t handle another cold goodbye from him.
I just couldn’t.
This was the lesser of two evils. Calloway said we could split our needs right down the middle so I wouldn’t be in his playroom every night. I would get what I needed, get to enjoy the man I’d fallen so deeply in love with. I just had to make a compromise to keep him.
“Sweetheart?” he whispered.
“Hmm?”
“I want you to know I haven’t been with anyone.” He was explaining his interaction with the blonde, the woman who’d asked him to dominate her for the night and handed over her leash.
I watched their encounter from the other side of the room and learned a few things. Women spotted Calloway and willingly wanted him to rule them. They strutted over there and point-blank asked for what they wanted. The blonde wasn’t the only one interested. I noticed lots of others looking his way.
If I didn’t want to be his sub, he really could find a replacement instantly.
He continued. “As in, I haven’t touched anyone.”
When I saw him with that blonde, I feared what happened earlier in the week while I deliberated with myself. Even if I hadn’t changed my mind in time and he had been with someone else, I couldn’t hold it against him. I didn’t want to think about it either. But his confession made my body relax in a way it never had before. The air left my lungs, and I suddenly felt even more comfortable in that bed.
He kissed the back of my neck. “Just you, sweetheart.”
“Thank you.”
“We’ll go by Christopher’s apartment in the morning and grab your things. My house is too empty without your knickknacks.”
I wanted to be back home, but trepidation was in my heart. “Maybe we should give it some time first…” I wasn’t ignorant enough to believe that session was as bad as it was going to get. I was sure Calloway intended to do much worse. Maybe I wouldn’t be able to handle it in the end.
“We’ll make it work, Rome. All we need is communication.”
It didn’t matter how much we talked. I might just get sick of being whipped all the time. “I don’t want to rush into anything…see how it goes first. I’ve left your place so many times now. I don’t have the strength to do it again.”
This time, Calloway didn’t push me. “Okay, I understand.”
I tightened his arm around me, feeling his pulse through his skin.
“We’ll talk about hard limits in the morning. I’m sure that will make you feel better.”
“Hard limits?”
“Things you’re unwilling to do.”
“I didn’t realize I had a choice.”
“Of course you do.” His deep voice came from behind me, deep and powerful. “I said you had all the power because you do. You tell me what you can and can’t handle, and I’ll work around that. As time goes on, you’ll probably lower your hard limits. This is why I wanted you to have an open mind in the beginning. It’s about pleasure, not pain. It’s something we can work out together, as a team.”
“So, I can make requests?”
“Yes. Do you have one?”
“Actually, yes…”
“I’m listening.” He propped himself on his elbow and looked down at me.
“I don’t want to go to Ruin again.”
He continued to stare at me like he expected me to say something else.
“It makes me feel like one of the many. If I’m special to you, then I don’t want to be screwed on the same bed where you whipped the others. I don’t want to be tied to the same headboard. I want to be different.” I looked into his dark eyes, hoping to find understanding rather than annoyance.
