Page 2 of Rearranged

“So, um, earth to Eve. You had quite a night. Want to talk about it?” Poppy helped me stack up some extra platters I’d brought. “Annabel’s getting the car, but I can have her leave without me.” Poppy’s sister, Annabel, had recently decided to move to Seattle. It was going to be so much fun having her around. The two of them were polar opposites in everything except personality.

There, they shone with the same dry humor and penchant for zinging, witty comebacks.

“Yeah, the party was great,” I agreed, trying to recenter myself so I could start becoming an active participant in this currently one-sided conversation. “I think people had a really good time.”

Poppy crossed her arms, her patience draining out of her body. The look she shot me was part Scarlett O’Hara, part Rocky Balboa. You couldn’t get past Poppy when she was on the scent of a juicy tidbit. “Eve, that’s not what I’m talking about. Of course people had a good time!” She flung her arms wide. “You throw amazing parties. You always have. What I’m trying to get at is what happened in that closet midway through the festivities.” She gestured toward the back of the store. “You were in there with a tall, dark, and supremely handsome man from your past. Who, I shouldn’t have to add, is now your business partner and who has a fiancée. That woman was literally storming the place searching for him.” Poppy dropped her arms and some of the drama, her expression easing back into that of the sympathetic pal who loved me. “What gives? This is not like you. You’ve always been in control—bordering on methodical—in your past relationships. I need some answers. Summer told us you had a thing for this guy freshman year, but you literally haven’t mentioned him to anyone since. Things aren’t adding up, and you’re an accountant, for cripes’ sake.”

Wasan accountant. Working toward becoming a flower maven.

“I need it to make sense,” Poppy went on. “If I don’t know the full story, I can’t help you, and I want to help you.”

I glanced at the door and thought about making a break for it. But it wouldn’t do me any good. Poppy would hunt me down, and she’d drag Summer and Jenny with her. It would be a full-on intervention. I might as well get it out now.

“Fine. I’ll tell you.” I blew out a breath, resigned to spilling my guts as I sat back down on the stool, arms limp, head bowed toward the floor, which was a very pleasant light hardwood that was going to look great refinished. I loved all the dings and stains in it.

“Take your time,” Poppy offered, coming to stand next to me, placing a hand on my shoulder, rubbing lightly. She was trying her best to make this easy on me. I appreciated that.

I took a fortifying inhale.

It was hard not to feel ashamed that I’d kept one of my biggest love life tidbits a secret for all this time. But I hadn’t felt like I’d had much choice, so a secret it’d stayed. “I met Marco Cruz freshman year when I reported for my job study at the bookstore.” I remembered that day vividly. The bright sunshine, the deep green of the Pacific Northwest, how the air had smelled vaguely floral with a hint of salt. I was so happy to finally be away at college. I’d grown up in Connecticut, and I was a long way from home. It’d already been a banner day and had only gotten better from there. “He was assigned to the same store. The exact moment I laid eyes on him, I pretty much fell completely, blindingly in love.” I massaged my forehead with my fingertips. “He hit all my buttons just right. He was adorable, sweet, smart, funny. He was the fairy-tale prince from my childhood come to life. We hung out here and there in the beginning. I tried to get him to notice me in a romantic way, but failed miserably. After a month or two, he switched bookstores. I tried to make peace with the fact we weren’t meant to be. It was either that or become a crazed stalker. And thankfully, the empathetic humanitarian in me wouldn’t allow me to cross that line, even though my devious OCD side thought it was a spectacular idea. Wondering what he was up to all the time killed me.” I closed my eyes. “I really thought the feelings I’d manufactured would go away. I mean, I hardly knew the guy. We never hooked up. He never showed any interest in me. But they never did.” I’d honestly felt at some point I would forget about him—I had to. But I wasn’t lying when I said I never did. “He continues to occupy my dreams, all my fantasies, and a good chunk of my day-to-day thoughts.” It was exhausting at times. “It’s why Brandon, Tate, and Lucas didn’t work long-term. I was into them in the beginning, excited at the prospect of something new. I had high hopes they would slide right into Marco’s spot. But in the end, they couldn’t match my idolization of a guy I hadn’t even dated.” It was hard not to feel a little miserable. Poppy kept rubbing my shoulders. That was nice. “They were great guys who treated me like royalty, but they never made me feel like I did when I was around Marco.”

“Aw, honey.” Poppy hugged me against her side, jostling one of my arms up and down. “Why didn’t you tell us all of this before?”

“Because I felt weak,” I confessed. I hated feeling less than. I’d been raised by a strong, confident single mother to be a strong, confident woman. My obvious hang-up on Marco, something I’d been unable to shake after all this time, made me second-guess myself all the time. “I’ve basically been Obsessing for years over a guy who had no interest in me. Even so, I made him my actual pedestal—he didn’t need to be up on one, he was the entire thing.” I made circular motions with my hands to convey the bigness of Marco’s impact on my life. “And because of that, every man I’ve dated hasn’t stood a chance. It’s dumb and pathetic and lame and just…sad.” I rubbed my palms over the cute green pants I’d worn for the celebratory christening of our store. My restless energy needed an outlet. “By the time the four of us got together and became friends, I was already mourning a love that would never be. There was no reason to bring him up. We banded together to help Summer out of her heartbreak with Mitch, and since I’d never dated this guy, my own sadness seemed to pale in comparison. So I left it to fester on its own.”

“You had legitimate heartbreak.” Poppy rocked me back and forth. “Unrequited love counts as heartbreak. It’s one of the worst kinds. Had you told us, we would’ve fed you treats, too. We would’ve tried to make you feel better. We would’ve showered love on you straight out of our friendship garden hose.”

“I know. And I adore you for it.” I laid my hand on her forearm and rested my head against her side. “But you would’ve told me that there were other fish in the sea. That he wasn’t worthy of my love fetish, or whatever this was. That I’d get over him eventually. You would’ve tried to set me up with other guys. I would’ve felt pressure to forget him and move on. I didn’t want that. The man… He…” I struggled for the right words, since Marco was an all-encompassing emotion for me instead of actual words. “He excites every single cell in my body. He always has. I feel like a massive ball of uncontrolled energy around him, and it’s literally the only time I like to feel that way. Being out of control is not my thing. And”—I added with a sniff—“not only is he handsome, but he’s completely amazing, funny, intelligent, devoted to his family, gives to charity, kind, caring… I could go on and on. I didn’t want to forget about him. He’s what I want in a long-term partner.” I knuckled away a tear. “Now he’s telling me things I’ve waited what feels like an eternity to hear, and I can’t have him.” I let go of Poppy and mopped my hands over my face, trying to dam the tide I could feel building behind my eyes. “He proposed to his live-in girlfriend recently. He’s taken. I have no idea what happened here tonight, or why he decided now was the time to drag me into a closet for an epic kiss. I’m trying to figure it out, which is why it seems like I’m out of my mind. And maybe I am. It’s been…a lot to handle.”

“Well, damn.” Poppy sighed, her arm still around me. “That was a big secret to hold on to all these years, but I understand why you kept it. We would’ve definitely tried to change things, distract you, set you up with a new guy. Anything to help ease the pain.”

I nodded. “The only thing that made the heartbreak bearable was that he was my secret. My fantasy. My Obsession. I liked him taking up space in my brain. It was comforting.” I sniffed, wiping the corner of my eye with a finger. My tear ducts weren’t listening to me. “Up until now, that is.”

“Have you kept in touch with him all this time?”

“No.” Not that I hadn’t tried. “I kept tabs on him through acquaintances at the bookstore during college. He dated a few girls here and there, but I lost track of him until just over a year ago. He’s not on social media. We actually ran into each other at the bank, if you can believe it. It was like day one for me at the bookstore all over again. I’ve honestly never been so turned on by a man before or since. I almost self-destructed in the teller line. My nipples jutted to attention like two pointer puppies waiting for a treat. I acted like a complete space case, incapable of basic human communication.”

“There is no way that happened,” Poppy scolded, pressing her lips to the top of my head while smoothing my hair. She was going to be an excellent mother someday. “I’m sure he regretted every single day he let pass by without having you in his life. You’re a feast on the eyes, Eve. Don’t forget that.”

I giggle-sniffed. “He was definitely not feasting. But we did end up talking for a while outside the bank. In the end, he invited me to dinner, which was a surprise. I gladly accepted, and we met a few nights later. It was wonderful to catch up. We laughed and told stories. It was perfect. Until he told me he about his live-in girlfriend.” I wiped away a few more tears. Poppy made the appropriate aww sounds. “I pretended it was fine and that I was happy for him. That’s all I could do. I told him about the floral business I was planning, and he seemed interested. He’d gotten a job at a hedge fund out of college and has done really well for himself. So, after that, we kept in touch occasionally via email. When I was ready to set the business plan in motion a month ago, I pinged him. To my surprise, he asked to meet so we could discuss it.” I shrugged. “I figured if I couldn’t have him in my life romantically, being partners in business would be good enough. It turned out to be a huge mistake.” I shook my head, thinking about how hard I’d stumbled. “Summer warned me that night at the Driftwood when we were celebrating the business collaboration. She said we looked really into each other, but I didn’t believe her. Or didn’t want to. I assured—insert fooled—myself that everything would stay businesslike. That we were two mature adults who could handle it.”

“I take it that’s not what happened,” Poppy murmured.

“Not at all. Sparks flew between us like a candle tossed onto an old Christmas tree. Even though my mind knew it was wrong, my body wanted it so much.” That was the hardest part. “So, when he pulled me into the closet tonight, I went willingly, salivating like a lion prancing after a nice, juicy antelope. Honestly, these last few weeks have been hell.” I massaged my temples. “We’ve been getting closer and closer, spending more and more time together, getting along amazingly, almost in perfect harmony. And it all came to a head tonight. If we hadn’t acted on these feelings, we were both in danger of popping.”

“Popping is not advisable.” She smoothed my hair. It was keeping me grounded. “So how was the kiss, then? Worth it?”

My eyes slid closed. “Oh my, yes. It was like biting into the ripest, sweetest peach. Full and wet and soft and luscious. His lips were freaking magical.” The memory of feeling them for the first time against mine shot like an arrow through my brain, causing my entire body to break out in gooseflesh. I shivered. “Far better than I ever could’ve imagined. We were lost in it for a while. He was slow and methodical, and I was giddy, devouring everything he gave me like a starved owlet. But as soon as it was over, I was instantly regretful.” I wiped my eyes. Poppy’s hand settled on my shoulder. “He has a fiancée. He hasn’t tried to hide it, and he hasn’t indicated he wants to break it off with her. I’m pretty sure that kiss is all we’ll ever have.” I glanced around my new storefront, feeling a little bewildered. “I’ve been brainstorming my next step. This is it for me. I hit my lowest of lows when I walked out of that closet. I’m determined to find a way to get over him, once and for all. That’s where my mind has been these last few hours. This Obsession is finally coming to a close. If the Watering Can is successful, I can buy him out within a year, two at the most. Then he’ll physically be out of my life forever. I’ll work toward moving on emotionally after that. Until then, I’m going to avoid him by creating an iron-clad schedule that we’ll both agree to abide by so our paths won’t cross. He’s a hands-on investor, and I need his expertise, as he’s actively been involved in a few startups, but that doesn’t mean I have to be in the same room with him. I’m not a homewrecker.” The last word came out on a sob. I rubbed my shirtsleeve under my nose, uncaring about manners at this point. “Even though he’s my deepest fantasy”—I sniffed—“I will not be responsible for breaking up his relationship with Yasmine. I don’t want to hurt her.”

“Come on, stand up. Give me a hug,” Poppy ordered as she stepped back and opened her arms.

I stood and embraced her, my head dipping comfortably onto her shoulder. I was almost a foot taller, but we made it work. I always forgot how tiny she was.

“It’s going to be okay. I promise it is,” she cooed softly. “We’ll find a way to deal with this together, like we always do. I’m not going to promise it’s going to be easy, but I know you can get over him if you set your mind to it. You’re one of the strongest people I know. Of course you’re not a homewrecker. Nobody thinks that.”

The front door whooshed open, and Annabel burst in, taking in the scene. “Okay, um, what’s happening? Did somebody die?”

“I’m giving my friend some comfort,” Poppy said, shushing Annabel as I raised my head. “Give us a minute.”

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