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Day 40
This morning feelslike the end is coming. Nothing has changed since Milo left last night.
Aside from the mess on my bedroom floor. Those clothes are now folded and packed in my suitcase.
Maybe that’s what has me on edge.
The fact I know it’s almost over. That time is running out. That this time next week, I’ll be back in my room at Naomi’s, attempting to pick up the pieces of my life. A life I attempted to leave behind when I came here when, in hind sight, I only put it on hold.
Finding a job—on hold.
A place to live—on hold.
A new perspective... that might be the one thing I have now.
Am I still upset about Wren? A little, but the hurt is gone. Thinking about him doesn’t make me feel like I’m going to vomit. I’m not constantly dreaming of catching him in the act over and over again anymore.
Instead, I dream about Jace. The look on his face when he was called away. The feel of his warm embrace turning cold as I watched him walk off with Ed and Claudia. He didn’t look back. He didn’t assure me everything was going to be okay. He just followed them.
I think we both expected he’d be back when, in reality, that wasn’t the case.
And when I wake up from those nightmares, it feels like an elephant is sitting on my chest.
All I want right now is a glimmer of hope. To feel his eyes devour me one last time.
And I will.
After this is all over.
Once the cameras cut for the final time and we’re all free to go back to our regularly scheduled lives.
The thought makes me both happy and sad.
Sad to leave the friends I’ve made here. To leave Bella, Lennon, and Milo. Happy to reunite with Naomi.
More than anything, excited to see Jace.
Our contracts officially expire at noon on Monday. My flight home will be scheduled for later that afternoon, but I’m thinking of changing destinations. Something I should talk to Claudia about sooner rather than later..
Claudia who hates me.
Who has hated me from day one it feels like.
The one person I need a favor from is the one person who probably has no interest in helping me.
If I want to make this happen, I’m going to have to grovel at her feet. Beg. Plead. Things I swore I’d never do.
But that’s the situation I’ve put myself in.
Checking the time, I still have two hours before my final date with Lennon, so I slip on a pair of flip flops and head toward the main house. If Claudia is here, that’s where I’ll find her.
Slipping through the back door, the first thing I notice is how quiet it is. Every other time I’ve been in here it’s been for elimination ceremonies. Everyone in the room was rushing from place to place, making the final adjustments for the show before we were live.
The room was alive and buzzing.
And right now, it’s empty. It’s just a large open space with no defining characteristics. Not a single camera or spotlight in sight. Considering they moved the finale to the lawn, I’m not surprised to see the equipment has been moved out already in preparation.
It just feels weird. To be in here alone.
