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Day 31
I made my decision.
I didn’t need to think about it.
Because I let him kiss me. Should I have pushed him away? Yeah, probably, but I didn’t. Not because I wanted to lead Lennon on but because I enjoyed kissing him.
It was different than it was with Jace. It was different than any other kiss Lennon and I had shared.
He didn’t ask for permission. He commanded the kiss. His actions demanded I kiss him back. And I did.
Without a second thought.
His kiss stole my breath at first, but then I gave it willingly until my chest constricted so tightly I had to pull away.
I’d never been kissed like that before. By anyone.
And I liked it.
I liked that he took charge. It made me wonder if he was like that in all aspects of his life. I mean, as a lawyer I can see him controlling the courtroom without even trying. His stature alone can be intimidating. His mere presence has me turning my head to look at him. I imagine women fall at his feet, and they don’t know anything about him.
They want to, though.
They should.
It’s his eyes that give him away. I can’t look into them and not see the sweet man beneath their gaze.
And when I finally found the strength to pull away from him last night, I couldn’t help but get lost in them. Then, for a brief second, I let myself fall. Because it could have easily been Lennon and not Jace.
But it wasn’t.
Jace was the one who crawled into my bed last night. It was his arms that were wrapped around me when I woke up. His body pressed against mine in the shower. His name I was screaming as I came undone.
Yet I can’t shake the vision of Lennon’s gaze from my memory.
I also can’t keep Courtney and Teegan’s words from tormenting me.
Telling me I couldn’t have both of them. That it was unfair to everyone else.
As if I planned to put myself in the middle of a freaking love triangle.
Still, every moment I spend with Lennon or Jace has their words echoing through my mind.
Am I being selfish?
Even though I made my decision.
And shared that decision with both of them.
Made sure I was clear about what I wanted. Who I wanted.
Does it mean I’m cheating at the game if I don’t push Lennon away? If I let him kiss me and then kissed him back?
“You okay this morning?” Jace asks.
Staring into the cup of coffee I have poised at my lips, I shake my head, and set it down. He made me breakfast, but I’ve barely touched it. The thought of food makes me queasy.
It’s the guilt. The guilt is eating at me.
