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Chapter 1
The guy in the menswear department eyed Carts’ ankles with a polite smile.
Carts was used to it, the slightly pitying look that said, “these are the longest pants we stock, dude”.
He’d already sussed the guy out as one of those trendy buffed nuggets who probably spent all his free time pumping iron.His slicked back, product-filled hair topped a head that barely skimmed Carts’ shoulder.What he lacked in height he certainly made up for in muscle.
The guy— Baz, he’d introduced himself as—stepped back, crossed his arms and rubbed the designer stubble on his chin.Carts wished he hadn’t grabbed the first threadbare pair of socks he’d found in his drawer this morning.
Baz narrowed his eyes.Which did nothing to help the situation.
Tomorrow.The thought made his heart sputter behind his ribs.By tomorrow evening he had to be spruced to the max.And that meant pant hems that didn’t flap around the ends of his calf bones, and no wrists showing below his cuffs.
Baz wagged an enthusiastic finger in the air.“I think I may have a suit in the back with extra leg length.”
Carts peered out from under his fringe.“Designer brand?”
“Of course, mate, of course.I hear you.”Baz tugged at his earlobe.Carts stifled a sigh.Buying clothes when you were 6’6” (and a half) was sheer hell.Not only the change rooms, which near enough exposed your nipples over the top of the curtain, but the pitying looks, the suggestions that maybe if he wore a pair of boots instead of shoes the hem discrepancy wouldn’t show.And as for the jacket.“Buy yourself a pair of trendy cufflinks” a nice motherly woman had said once, “that’ll draw attention away from the shortfall in the sleeves, love.”
Sometimes it felt like the whole menswear industry of Perth saw him coming and had their lines rehearsed.Which was a dumb-arsed thought, because up until two weeks ago he only went clothes shopping when absolutely essential, which added up to twice a year at most.
By now, Baz had sped off to the stock cupboard and Carts flicked a look at his phone.His shoulders sagged.No message from Polly.
He’d sent her an urgent text to let her know he was shopping for suits and needed her advice.No reply.Since his thirtieth birthday party last Saturday Polly had gone to ground.It didn’t make sense; she’d been so helpful the week before, helping him decide which shirt to buy to impress Judith.Carts sighed and pocketed his phone.Even though he’d known her since uni, sometimes sussing out Polly’s moods was like trying to find a golf ball in a blizzard.
Then he thought about Judith, and his heart fluttered like it had grown wings.Judith.Wow!He was smitten, wasn’t he?Every time he thought of her his insides melted like gooey caramel.
He’d kissed her.
She’d kissed him back.
In the dim light of the street after all the other guests had left and the moon hung like a golden crescent backlit by a zillion southern hemisphere stars, he’d freakin’ kissed her.He was a born romantic, so of course he’d noticed the sky show.And when he’d circled her tentatively with his arms and pointed out the Southern Cross, Judith’s eyes had shone like the two most radiant stars of all.
He’d bitten his lip and swallowed the words that formed on his tongue.He’d told women things like that before only to get kicked in the balls.Metaphorically, not literally of course.Even though Judith didn’t strike him as the ball-kicking type.
She was so beautiful, with her long blonde hair and dove grey eyes.When she listened, shereallylistened.And she had the sweetest laugh that made him want to smile until his face split in half.What’s more, she laughed at his jokes, which were on record as the worst in the world.Laughed like they were the best thing she’d heard in months.And finally, when he’d whispered, “May I kiss you?”and she’d nodded, all it had taken was a dip of his chin to touch his mouth to her soft, enticing lips.In her high heels she was barely an inch or two shorter than him.
And crickets, could she kiss!
He’d just started to hum “Walking on Sunshine” when Baz appeared brandishing a rather spunky looking charcoal grey suit.
“Calvin Klein.Mega long legs.”
“Cool.”Carts flicked the hair out of his eyes and, taking the suit, held the pants against his body.Relief surged through him as he saw that the legs almost hit the ground.
“Looks like you’ve found me a winner.”He grinned.“Baz, you’re the man.”
Baz looked chuffed and Carts decided he wasn’t a bad bloke, after all.
A short while later, having tried on the pants, ensured the jacket wasn’t flapping around his butt cheeks and the cuffs weren’t midway to his elbows, a happy Carts strode out of Myer, swinging his bag, which also contained a new tie, courtesy of Baz.Out in the shopping mall, he sent the photo Baz had taken of him wearing it to Polly, with the message,007 eat your heart out.
Then he went and bought himself a Green Goddess smoothie from the juice bar.
Sauntering along, looking in the windows of passing shops, he caught sight of his reflection and frowned.His fucking hair needed cutting.
His fucking hair always needed cutting.Even after a haircut.
His boss, Ron Towers, had an infuriating habit of looking up from his desk and shouting “Get a haircut, Wells,” as Carts walked past.To which Carts would grit his teeth and mutter under his breath, “get a life, you old tosser”.
