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Pip gave her a hug, high-fived Luke then went over to Mum, who didn’t stand up but proffered her cheek.Pippa barely pecked it.Dad scraped his chair back and stood up, rubbing at his mouth with a napkin and gave Pip a quick squeeze.Judith followed suit and did the rounds.
Shaz had turned deathly pale as the introductions rolled on, as if the reality of the situation had finally hit her.
After everyone was seated and platefuls of glistening sliced duck and pancakes and bright green bok choy had been brought out, Dad said, “So Pip.What’s the big announcement?We’ve all been betting on Andrew giving you a promotion?”
“Better actually.”Pippa threw a look at Shaz.Scraping back her chair, she stood and steadied herself with hands splayed on the table and her biceps rigid.
“Mum, Dad.Luke and Kirsty—and Jude, well, you already know, don’t you babe.”She gave a big toothy nervous grin that made her look fourteen again.“I have an announcement to make.”She grabbed Shaz’s hand.“Shaz and I, that is, Shaz and me,” an uncharacteristic little giggle followed, “are in love.”Silence.Pippa’s voice got louder.“She’s the most important woman in the world to me and we’re very happy.We wanted to be clear about our relationship from the start so that you can welcome her into the family, as my girlfriend.”
No-one said a word.Somewhere out front, Kun could be heard calling, “Takeaway half duck for Colin.”Judith sneaked a look from behind her hair.Kirsty had her mega-watt smile locked in place, Luke looked bemused, Dad rubbed vigorously at his mouth with his napkin and Mum stared at the tablecloth.
Oh Mum, please, please—just this once,Judith begged silently.Override the fear and guilt that strangles the life out of you.Escape from the shadow of your past.Be bigger than that.Show Pippa that you love her, unconditionally.
She had to sit on her hands and pin her lips together to stop herself from jumping up and saying something to fill the silence.
The next moment it was as if Dad took hold of himself from the inside out.And to give him his due, once he’d wiped the look of surprise off his face with that napkin it was clear he wasn’t going to let his youngest daughter down.
“Well, that’s big news Pip, er—nice to meet you Shaz.Does that stand for Sharon?Or should we all call you Shaz?”
Shaz’s mouth broke into a relieved smile.“Shaz is fine.”
“Well, Shaz, welcome to the family.”
Another awkward silence, while Harry fussed around refilling their glasses.Kirsty suddenly gushed out “cool” and “wonderful” and Luke mumbled something that sounded affirmative.
Finally, Mum got to her feet and said to the tablecloth, “Will you excuse me while I go to the ladies’ room?”
The rest of the meal passed in the awkward way events do when a great big elephant has landed in the middle of the table next to the Peking duck and everyone is studiously ignoring it.
It wasn’t that Mum didn’t talk to Shaz.She did.She was pleasant and polite.But it was as if Pippa had never spoken those words.
As the meal progressed, Judith could sense Pippa’s energy building next to her like a brewing storm.Finally Pip jumped to her feet.“Mum,” she said loudly, “are you going to acknowledge what I said?”Luke gave a nervous cough into the void.
Pippa sucked in a big breath.“You’ve never accepted my reality, have you?Ever since I was little and you made me wear those frilly-topped socks and horrible patent shoes.”
Mum shook her head and stared blankly at a spot on the wall past Pippa’s head.
Pip dodged her head into Mum’s line of vision.Mum’s gaze shifted three millimetres.“Mum!I’m gay.G.A.Y.I’m a lesbian.Do you understand what thatmeans?It means I dig women.”
Shaz put her hand on Pippa’s arm and made a gentle shushing sound.But Pip wasn’t going to be silenced.“I love Shaz, Shaz loves me.It’s not the work of the devil.It’s just another colour in the rainbow.”Mum made a strangled little sound and her hand fluttered to her neck.“You need to get your head around who I really am, seeme, not some imaginary person you wish I was.I can’t live like that, Mum, because that would mean living a lie and I won’t do that to myself anymore.You have to accept me as I am…” She paused, her hands fisting at her sides, “because if you don’t, I really can’t—” her voice cracked.“I really can’t see you anymore.”
And with that she grabbed Shaz’s hand, who hurriedly thanked them for the meal, and the two of them were gone.
The silence was filled with the chatter and laughter of happy diners on the other side of the glass partition.
A universe away from the Mellors family drama.
Judith got up, gagged out, “Excuse me a minute,” and raced after the two women.
In the street she caught up with them.Grabbing Pip’s arm, she swung her around.“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” Pip said, her chest rising and falling rapidly.“It’s Mum that’s got the problem.”
Judith stared into Pippa’s eyes; they were hard and determined as steel.And then Pip shook her head.“I’m really sorry, I know I always leave you to deal with her, but I just can’t cope with Mum’s miserable, repressed view of the world anymore.”They stood staring at each other, both silently acknowledging the inevitable.
Finally, Judith said softly, “You two go.I’ll handle Mum.”
As she headed back into Harry’s she realised this was how it had always been.
Stuck in the middle between Mum and Pippa.
Desperately gluing the broken pieces back together and plastering over the cracks in between.
