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“We men are not as unobservant as you sometimes think.”He winked and took a swig of his beer.“But, you know, I kept my own counsel.Your mum… She’s a very reserved, private person, and doesn’t like to talk about stuff like this.I respect that because, well, you know, everything she went through… we understand each other.”
He turned his eyes back to the screen.“Oh jeesh, will you just look at that, what a waste of an opportunity!”He took another mouthful of beer.“As for you, luv,” he patted her knee, “it’s about time you stopped rescuing this family, eh?”
Judith could hardly believe her ears.This was radical.Dad had everything all worked out, every one of his children sussed, and she’d never, ever realised.
But still she had to check she’d heard right.“You think I do that?”
“Yep.Ever since you were a wee small thing.”He sighed.“You’ve always been bloody good at it.I should have stepped in and made sure you didn’t look after your mum so much, but… life was hectic and stressful in those days.No excuses, but I guess what I’m saying is, parents aren’t perfect, they make mistakes.But now, sweetheart, it’s time you put your needs first.Grab some happiness of your own.”
“Oh Dad,” Judith said, a little catch in her voice.“That’s exactly what I intend to do.”
There was the sound of footsteps upstairs, and the toilet flushed.Dad’s eyes shifted to the ceiling.“She’s awake.”
Judith got up and made for the door.
“Before you go,” Dad said, “your mum and Pip.They’re going to have to sort this out between themselves.”
“I know.”
Mum wasn’t in her bedroom, or in the spare room where she did her craft.Judith poked her head in.Everything was neatly arranged, each drawer carefully labelled, Mum’s new loom taking pride of place—she’d recently taken up weaving—the neatly twisted balls of yarn in hues of mauves and blues sitting beside it, waiting for her next project.
Instead Judith found her sitting in Pip’s old room, on the bed.
She steeled herself.“Hi, Mum.”
Mum gave her a wan smile.“Hi darling.What are you doing here?”
“I came—” She was going to say, to see how you are, but she knew how her mum would be.“I’m here to ask you to talk to Pippa.”
Mum looked away swiftly, her features tightening.Judith went and sat next to her on the bed, and with a start realised Mum was clasping Pippa’s school photo from when she was twelve.Before the spray painting started.The excited grin, her big front teeth, the freckles, the bright halo of her hair.
Rambunctious, glorious Pippa.
Mum shook her head.“I don’t understand her.I should, shouldn’t I?”Her tone was perplexed.“A mother should understand her daughter.I understand you, but I’ve never been able to work out Pippa.”She huffed out a little laugh.“Remember when she was still no more than four, she’d jump out from behind the sofa with that purple wig on and one of those awful party whistle things and shout ‘Invasion from Mars!’and Luke would call her the little alien.That’s how it used to feel.Like a little alien landed in our life.”
Judith smiled.“That’s Pip, that’s just how she’s made.”
“I worry about her,” Mum said quietly.“The way she wears her heart on her sleeve, opens her mouth and blurts out her whole life.She leaves herself open to people abusing her.”
“That’s not going to happen, not to Pip.”
Mum’s fingers stroked the photo.“People will turn this against her.”
Gently Judith said, “Does it bother you, her being gay?”
“No.”Mum sighed.“No, honestly, it’s not about that.”She looked at Judith out of cloudy grey eyes.“Shaz seems a lovely girl, they can do what they want to in private, but they need to know that peoplejudge.”
“The world isn’t the one you grew up in, Mum.It’s not full of people who preach hell and damnation.”
“I think you’re wrong.I think there’s lots of horrible, cruel people out there.”
Judith took a deep breath.“If there are people who don’t accept Pip for being gay, you know what?She’ll cope with that.She’s strong.”
Mum shook her head “You don’t understand what it’s like to be ostracised, Judith.I do.”
“I don’t, Mum, you’re right.But what Idoknow is you had immense courage.To leave your community, your family, everything you knew, your whole life, and move to a strange city where you knew no-one.Because you believed in a better life, where you were free to be you.You and Pippa are more alike than you think.”
“I wasn’t a good mother to her.”
