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“Well, now we’ve taken a deep dive intomyhead,” I say, focusing back on Ezra, “what’syourthing?”
“Go on a date with me and you’ll find out.”
“I don’t date.” That’s not untrue in the slightest. I don’t—and haven’t—dated. Ezra looks to Sawyer for assistance, but he shrugs.
“I don’t know what you want me to say. She doesn’t. Tonight was unusual.”
“You two have never hooked up?” Ezra asks lightly, but the atmosphere tightens, and Sawyer’s face wears a horrified expression. His reaction snaps me out of the light, flirty mood like a stab to the chest. Not wanting to hear his rebuttal, I get in there first to clarify things for Ezra.
“No. He’s like my brother. Are we watching this film or not?”
“Sure,” Ezra agrees easily, “but this isn’t over.”
I don’t focus an iota on the film, my chest swinging between swooning over Ezra’s light banter and throbbing at the reaction from Sawyer to the idea of us hooking up. I really need to get over this thing with him. He’s shown me more than once that we’re platonic—nothing more—and I know it’s my own crush putting interpretations of our interactions in my head and making me question his motives. I need to listen to Sawyer and respect his boundaries.
I brush my teeth once the film finishes and come out to Sawyer doing the dishes at the sink, Ezra taking my place in the bathroom.
“You heading to bed?” Sawyer asks over his shoulder.
“Yeah. I’m working early tomorrow.”
“We’ll keep it down. Are you gonna come to the housewarming?”
“Yeah, of course,” I say.
“To see Ezra?” he asks. I frown at the question, but as he hasn’t turned to face me. “You’ll have to give someone a chance soon enough, you know. I know it scares you, but I think he’s a good one.” I instantly want to fight back against Sawyer matching me off to someone and have to work to rein it in.
“You know him that well?”
“We’ve hung out a few times, but it’s just a feeling I get from him, and from you when he’s around.” I think back to the flirty chat earlier and feel embarrassed for the first time to have been doing it in front of Sawyer. Sadness also creeps in at him trying to convince me to be with someone else, and I’m glad he can’t read the emotion on my face.
“I’ll think about it,” I say. The water runs in the bathroom, and I take that as my cue to leave before Ezra rejoins us, feeling a little too vulnerable to be here with them both.
“Night, Angel,” Sawyer calls as he carries on without hugging me goodnight, and that might be the biggest heartbreak of all.
***
I stew all morning about what I’m feeling. I don’t know what was going on with Ezra the other night, but if I imagine that random meeting didn’t happen, I can’t deny I’m interested in him. It’s made me realize that I can tell pretty quickly whether I have a connection with someone, and it doesn’t happen very often. Even less often I have a connection with someone available and into me too. Part of me thinks I should give Ezra a chance. I don’t know why I’m so in my head about this. Our chemistry is insane, and I’m ridiculously attracted to him. Sex doesn’t have to mean anything massive. He’s put his cards on the table, so it’s not like he’s going to reject me. Why am I so nervous? Maybe I shouldn’t give him a shot, though. What if I do, and suddenly I’m not attracted to him again?
As I’m coming up the stairs, a girl is waving and going down them. As I see his head over the top, crazy jealousy swirls up inside me. He’s with someone else, but instead of being put off, I want to claim him, have him as mine. It can’t be anything more than a booty call—he was at ours until late last night. Even though my stomach sours at the thought of him with someone else, he’s not done anything wrong.
Without even thinking, I walk straight over and kiss him. He stands stock-still, not reacting at all, and the nerves come in again. Was he just playing? I’m not getting the same feelings I was from him looking at me now that we’re actually kissing, and as he finally kisses me back, my heart plummets at the distinct lack of chemistry.Shit!This was a mistake. What is wrong with me?!
I pull back slowly and keep my eyes closed, praying for the ground to swallow me up. This is why you don’t hook up with someone you’re stuck around on a daily basis. I’m mortified. I finally look at him, and my stomach joins my heart in sinking when I see his eyes. They’ve lost their spark again. He’s definitely on drugs, right? He has to be.
“What is going on?” I ask him.
“I was just about to ask that.” I whip around to face the woman who had just left. Is she back to claim him? That was a bitchy thing for me to do, right? Well, she can have him now. Maybe I’ll let her slap me to really cement the fact. “Is there a reason you’re kissing my boyfriend?”
“Boyfriend?!” What a dirtbag.
“Eli, what is going on?” she asksEzra.
“Eli?! You gave me a fake name?” Have I turned into a parrot? Is this all a big trick? She chokes a relieved laugh while my face flames.
“You’re looking for Ezra, right? Eli is Ezra’s twin.” My mouth drops open. Ezra has a twin? Thank fuck for that. He’s not on drugs—it’s two different people. Of course it is. I’m so relieved I could collapse.
“And I’m Eli’s girlfriend,” she says, sounding much friendlier than I would in this situation. “Liv.”
