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I’m annoyed at myself for getting us into that position in the first place, but my internal berating is interrupted by Sawyer coming through the door, and I nearly drool. Maybe that’s enough wine for tonight. But he’s wearing a hoody and a backward cap with his typical workout shorts. It’s my favorite outfit on him.
“Hey, ladies,” he says as he sees us.
“Hi, Sawyer,” we chorus, and he chuckles.
“I’m gonna jump in the shower.”
Fleur is looking at me with one eyebrow raised by the time I drag my attention back from the bathroom door.
“What?”
“Oh, please. You’re getting laid now, and you’re still gawking at him. What’s going on?”
“I’m not gawking,” I say defensively.
“That was definitely gawking.”
I shrug. “Well, he’s hot.”
“That he is, and you two get on so well!”
“Yep, asbest friends,” I agree before taking another sip of wine.
“I’m struggling to see how a boyfriend could be better thanhim.” She gestures her head to the bathroom.
“I have a boyfriend. Well, something like a boyfriend.”
“So you and Sawyer aren’t happening?” she confirms.
“Nope.”
“Okay, cool, ’cause I have a friend to set him up with.”
“I swear I will hit you,” I say. I glare daggers at her as she chuckles into her wine glass.
A minute later, Sawyer heads back into the kitchen area, and the girl-talk stops.
“Are you in tonight?” I ask. He’s been out loads recently, and I miss him... in the way one friend misses another friend.
“Yep.”
“Join us then, Sawyer! I need your professional male opinion,” Fleur says.
“That sounds ominous.”
Fleur walks him through her Lee situation, and he listens intently, but basically comes to the same conclusion that Nico did—albeit a bit more tactfully. I let them chat around me and think about my own situation.
I know the reason I don’t want to tell Ezra about Eli is because I really like him, and I don’t want this to come between us. And yet, I know the reason I don’t want Sawyer with anyone else is because I really like him too. This isn’t some silly crush that’ll go away when I’m not horny. I need to accept that this is something much bigger. I might have real feelings for my best friend. My best friend who has officially friend-zoned me.
And I know I should just leave it at that and move on, but I can’t. I can’t throw myself in with Ezra without knowing for sure what is there with Sawyer. Not because I’d choose one over the other, but because it’s going to eat away at me, and I can’t be saving a part of myself for Sawyer just in case he feels the same. It’s not fair on Ezra. And I can’t do anything about my feelings for Nico—I’m not a home wrecker—but I need to tell Sawyer the truth. Just to get some clarification. At the moment, my brain is conjuring scenarios which could be wildly misinterpreting the situation. Ezra’s right. I need to talk to him and get everything out in the open.
