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CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Harlow
My god, I need a drink. I’ve never been one to self-medicate, but if I could erase the heartache, the embarrassment, the guilt from my system right now, I would. I should’ve kept it to myself. Not knowing was better than this.Like an older brother, remember?
He doesn’t want me the way I want him. Have I fucked up our friendship by telling him I want him the same way I want Ezra? He let me down nicely, because this is Sawyer we’re talking about and he doesn’t have a bad bone in his body, but will he be different with me now? Why couldn’t I respect those damn boundaries we’ve spent our whole lives erecting? I already had him as my best friend, why did I have to push him for more?
I can’t even bring myself to tell Ezra I talked to Sawyer, even though he’s the one person I want to comfort me right now. How can I be so happy and grateful for Ezra, and so heartbroken at the same time? God, this is such a mess. I need my other best friend and a drink.
***
“Are you going to tell me the reason for the impromptu night out?” Fleur asks before finishing her drink. Fleur and Lee were up for me third-wheeling, as usual, but I haven’t been the best company. “I thought you’d be busy with Ezra,” she says.
I shrug, but the mention of his name makes me feel guilty. I haven’t told him about Sawyer, opting to come out and drink away my troubles instead, although all I really want right now is to be in his arms.
“I’ll get another round,” I say. I’ve nursed my one drink so far, but they’ve both finished theirs, so I head up for something to do. As I get to the bar and wait for my turn, someone steps up next to me.
“Hey,” they say, and I turn to look at the guy next to me. He’s not bad looking, just like any average guy that normally frequents this place. A week ago, I’d probably have taken him home. Shame I have absolutely no interest in him now.
“Hey,” I say with a polite smile.
“Can I get you a drink?” he asks.
“No.” A familiar voice comes from behind me, and the guy looks past me, nods, and turns away again. Then I’m spun to face Ezra, who looks damn near edible in a black button-up shirt and trousers. “What are you doing?” he asks.
“Iwasgetting a free drink.” I actually wasn’t going to accept it, and I’m not sure why I’m antagonizing him.
“Other guys don’t buy you drinks anymore,” he says, threading his fingers into the hair at the nape of my neck. The possessive side of Ezra speaks to something inside of me. I can’t help but push it a little.
“No?” I ask. His fingers tighten in my hair and he tugs lightly, making me let out a small gasp as my knees go weak.
“No. Now kiss me. Show every man here you’re mine before I bend you over this bar and do it myself.” Christ, that’s hot. I push up on my tiptoes and give him a light peck on the lips, intending to pull away, but he uses his grip on me to hold me in place, devouring my mouth until my fists are in his shirt, my tongue batting with his, and I’m about ready to beg him to take me home. Then he pulls back.
“Enjoy your night, be safe, and stay the fuck away from other guys. I’ll be over there when you’re ready to go.” He saunters over to where his friends are, and I try to ignore him and the ache he’s started in me. Breathless, I turn back to the bar to order our drinks, but he’s got my head all over the place. Why did I even come here? I could’ve been at home being kissed like that all along.
“I can feel the sexual tension between you across the room,” Fleur says as I return. “Why are you still here?”
I shrug. “I’ll go to him when I’m ready to leave.”
“Go on, then,” she says. “He’s shown you and everyone here his cards.” She’s right. Going to him to leave isn’t a test, it’s Ezra giving me the freedom to enjoy my night while letting me know he’s here for me when I’m ready. Why do I keep turning everything into a big deal? This is all terrifying to me, but I need to go with my gut instead of trying to prove I don’t need him at every turn.
“You really don’t mind if I bail early?” I ask.
“Not at all. Netflix and the sofa sounds pretty good to us right now.” I hug them both goodbye and then make my way over to Ezra. He watches my every step with hungry eyes until I’m in front of him.
“You have a habit of making me shoot my shot,” I tell him, and he grins as he stands in front of me.
“Only because you’re fighting this. Let’s go home.” He leads, and I follow.
***
“Are you going to tell me what tonight was all about?” he asks me once we’re back at mine and I’m making us both a drink.
“No,” I say, handing over the glass. He nods, but doesn’t reply, taking a gulp instead. “If you’re angry, then why are you even here?” I ask. I can’t help but needle him, to be defensive and self-sabotage, because I’m worrying I’ve made a mistake. He’s going to leave, and Sawyer’s going to leave, and I’ll have no one. I can feel my self-control slipping through my fingers.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he says defiantly, but without raising his voice. “I just don’t like the idea of someone thinking they have a shot with my girl when they don’t deserve it.”
“How is it any different to you convincing me to pursue things with Sawyer?” I’m starting to yell. I know it’s not fair to blame Ezra for what happened earlier, but my heart is bruised, and I’m a little buzzed and not thinking logically. “Why do you get to decide who I can see?” I ask.
