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Chapter Thirteen
~ Mimi ~
“Let’s go out onto the porch,” Selma suggested, glancing toward the doorway Judd had departed through. I knew he hadn’t gone far and suspected he was just on the other side of the wall.
I agreed and led the way.
“I’m sorry,” she said once we were seated in the two rockers that sat side by side, a small table between them, on the wide covered porch. “I didn’t realize how badly I’ve treated you or that I’ve been really unfair to you—until my son pointed it out.” She sighed. “That’s quite a thing, you know? To have your youngest son pointing out how badly you’ve acted?” She smiled but there was no happiness in it. “I guess you wouldn’t know, and hopefully, you never will.”
She stared out at the dark farm. Fireflies blinked on and off, painting the area in natural twinkle lights. I watched her, though, while her lips moved as she searched for words.
Her heavy breath sighed out. “I don’t have an acceptable excuse. Despite what you see between Ben and I…and what the boys think, things weren’t always good between us. When we first got married, we barely knew each other. It was arranged by our parents, and afterward, I struggled to find my place here. For a long time actually.”
That was new information. I didn’t even think arranged marriages happened anymore. That wasn’t at all how I’d thought Judd’s parents had gotten together. Then again, maybe that was why they never spoke about it. It had been arranged, and Selma hadn’t done well at first. Now that she had a firm place here, she probably saw me as an interloper who would push her aside. In a way, it was a terrible social version of King of the Mountain—or Queen, as the case might be.
“And you thought I would try to take your place?”
Selma nodded. “Something like that. I had to fight for everything I have here. And I’m protective of my boys. When I thought you weren’t…um…”
She trailed off, searching for words again, and I sensed she tried to tread very carefully with me. Whether it was so she didn’t upset me or didn’t upset Judd, I couldn’t be sure.
“You mean…because you didn’t think I was pulling my weight in this marriage?” I supplied.
She tilted her head back and forth, not saying yes, but clearly, that had been her thought.
“I want the boys to be happier than Ben and I were.”
“Youseemhappy,” I replied, confused.
She shrugged one shoulder, with a quick half-smile before growing serious again. “We are. Now. We reallydolove each other. I guess, I… I didn’t want my kids to have to struggle the way we did.”
I leaned forward, resting my arms on my knees when I spoke. “Judd and I are different from you two, though. We know each other. We’ve been together for ten years.”
“But you left him.”
I nodded slowly. Selma and I were a little too much alike in our newly married experiences. Knowing her past made me see her in an entirely different light. She wasn’t malicious. She’d been repeating a cycle, perhaps unintentionally.
“Ironically, I left because I didn’t feel like I fit in here. I didn’t think I was good enough for Judd. He’s convinced me otherwise.”
She winced. “I’m sorry. It’s my fault you felt that way.”
“Not entirely. I had a whole bag of insecurity and inadequacy I was carrying that you had nothing to do with—I still do. It’s something I’ll always have to fight with. Finding out I’m pregnant, that I really can have kids, helps. But the truth is, I felt like I was dying without Judd. I cried all the time and missed him every second. I need to be with him. I love him with all my heart. So…I hope things can be better. With Judd. And with the rest of you.”
Selma swallowed then nodded, the movement shaky and fraught with the emotions that flowed between us. Our words might be careful and even, save for the slight waver that entered my voice from time to time, but both of us teetered on the edge of tears. My eyes burned, my throat tight, and I saw the reflected feelings on her face.
“I’ll try to rein in my knee jerk reactions,” she said.
I nodded. “I’ll try to be more communicative.”
With her and especially with her youngest son. In my heart, I vowed to always talk with Judd and stop stuffing down my feelings.
As if we had an unspoken agreement, we both stood. Selma pulled me into a hug, and I returned the awkward embrace then watched as she walked back to her house, not heading inside my home until she’d climbed up her porch and walked into Ben’s waiting arms. Until then, I hadn’t even realized he was there.
My father-in-law was very much like his son and pressed his lips to the top of her head while he held her in his protective embrace. Needing my own man, I went in search of my husband. I found him at his drafting table in his office next to the living room.
He immediately dropped his pencil and jumped up from his stool. His gaze scanned over me, concern on his face. “Is everything okay?”
“All good.” I waved a hand at his desk. “What’s up?”
