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Her brother’s funeral was still fresh in her mind. It had flared back into memory when they reached the church, and Victoria had remembered following her brother’s coffin into the chapel for the service before going out to bury him. That had been one of the toughest things she had ever done and one of the worst days she had ever experienced. The pain and emptiness Victoria had felt had been overwhelming.
Again, her thoughts drifted to Rafe Mowbray. She didn’t want to think about him, nor did she want to feel any sympathy, but it was still there. His family weren’t bad people, just misguided. Lady Blackmore, in spite of everything, had been a kind and sweet woman. Her son was pretty much the same. They had been taken too early. Even Lord Blackmore, despite his thoughts on his younger son’s innocence.
It had to be devastating to Mowbray that he had lost his family in such a short space of time. Victoria did feel some sympathy for him.
She guessed that the Earldom would now be going to him now. He was the new Earl of Blackmore. Victoria didn’t know what she felt about that; she wanted him to leave England and go back to where he had come from. He wasn’t welcome here. But if he had been given permission to return, and he had the Earldom to look after, there was little chance of him actually leaving.
Victoria could only hope that he left her alone. She didn’t want anything to do with him.
They finally arrived home, and Selkirk helped his wife and daughter out of the carriage, entering the house in sombre silence. Harrison joined them to take their coats, and Victoria turned to her parents.
“I think I’m going to my bedchamber for a while. I don’t feel too well.”
“Of course.” Selkirk nodded. “We could all use a moment alone.”
“Do you think you’ll be able to join us for lunch, Victoria?” Lady Selkirk asked.
Victoria’s stomach clenched at the thought of food. She swallowed.
“I don’t think I can manage anything right now, Mother.”
The Viscountess looked at her with understanding. She squeezed her daughter’s hand.
“You let us know when you’re ready. I’m sure the cook can make something for you.”
“I will, Mother.”
Victoria didn’t really want anything to eat. It had been a struggle to get everything down at breakfast, and now she felt like she was going to bring it back up. Food was not really something she wanted yet.
Waving Abigail away, she went up to her bedchamber, locking the door behind her. After funerals, Victoria didn’t want any company. No one to talk to, or even someone to sit there watching her. She just wanted to be left alone.
Wandering over to the window, Victoria looked out towards the sea. The sun had still not come out from behind the darkening clouds, the sea picking up with the waves. She wouldn’t be surprised if it started raining. It seemed appropriate for such a sad day.
What was going to happen now? Blackmore and her parents were in agreement that Victoria was to marry Sebastien. The wedding should have been in three days. Now, seeing as he was dead, did that mean it wasn’t going to happen anymore? Victoria felt relieved at the thought the wedding wasn’t happening anymore, but at the same time, she was worried. Much as she didn’t want to get married, the alternative was living with her parents and being under their roof forever. They would be in charge of her. Victoria wanted to be in charge of herself, and she couldn’t have that as an unmarried woman.
The more she had thought about Sebastien sending her to his home in Wales and living there alone, the more enticing it had been. He would have visited, obviously, but for the most part, he would have left her to her own devices. In his own words, she could have as much freedom as she wanted, within reason. Victoria had liked the sound of that.
She doubted that her next fiancé would be as generous or as understanding.
If there even is another marriage offer. Nobody’s going to want to be around a family that is cursed.
It wouldn’t be a surprise if people started saying her family had cursed Blackmore and his son if they had died before Sebastien and Victoria were due to marry. Victoria was expecting it to happen soon.
Her head was really hurting, and Victoria closed her eyes, leaning her head against the window frame. Suddenly, she was so tired. It felt like someone was pressing down on her head.
Maybe she should get some sleep. Just curl up under the sheets and sleep this day away. There wasn’t really anything she could do anymore.
In the morning, things would be back to how they were before the marriage arrangement was made, although Victoria didn’t think so.
***
A knock at the door had Victoria opening her eyes. For a moment, she didn’t know where she was. The room was a lot darker than she remembered. The sky was still grey and solemn, but it was clearly dusk outside.
Victoria sat up, wincing as her neck screamed at her. Had she just fallen asleep on the window seat? She couldn’t believe she had slept that long, especially curled up on the cushions by the window. Her head and neck were hurting now. She must have been squashed up, but in her exhaustion, she hadn’t noticed.
The knock started again. Groaning, Victoria clambered off the window seat, falling to the floor as her legs tried to take the weight. But she had been in the same position for so long that she found herself staring at the ceiling. That had hurt almost as much as her legs straightening out.
“Miss Victoria?” The knocking became more insistent. “Miss Victoria, are you all right?”
