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Chapter 9
Giving and Receiving
Alicia was in the woods again. She knew she had been here before, though she could not recall exactly when. She bit her lip, aware that she had no idea where she was or where she was going.
But as tall and shadowy as the pines that surrounded her, strangely, she felt very little fear, and a considerable portion of curiosity. Nestled among the high branches she saw bird’s nests from which came strange, musical songs she had never heard before. And somehow until now she had not noticed that under each of the trees was a little copse of mushrooms and wildflowers.
Hearing slow, gentle footsteps behind her, Alicia turned to see bright eyes advancing towards her, stepping out of the shadows to reveal a large, shaggy wolf. Though she took a step back in alarm, the wolf showed no menace and came forward to tamely sniff at her hand.
Surprised but still unafraid, Alicia reached forward to pet the beast on the head as though it were a familiar dog. The wolf looked up into her eyes, and she saw something familiar reflected in those lunar silver irises.
When the birdsong was interrupted by the siren call of the rooster, she woke with more disappointment than panic.
From the moment her eyes fluttered open, her dream already forgotten, Alicia felt that things were different.
Just as the day before she jumped from her bed and breathed in the cool blue-yellow morning air that poured through her open window. Whether the cock had crowed earlier than usual or she had simply heard it, Alicia could see the sun was still barely peeking over the horizon, and though she knew she had stayed late into the night sharing stories and laughter with her hosts and their visitor Mister Barton, she felt as though she had never been so well-rested in her life.
I know I should be worried about Grace,she thought, watching the larks dart and swoop over the eaves of the barn.And about wherever Herbert could be.
Yet despite her conscious recollection of her worries, they felt almost as though they belonged to someone else. Before Alicia knew what she was doing, she was dressed and coming down the stairs, passing Jenny still sleeping peacefully in her chair. For whatever reason, the day seemed too beautiful and precious to waste fretting about faraway cares.
The ground floor of the house was as quiet and empty as it had been when Alicia trudged off to bed the night before, and from the clear earthy smell the house it seemed no one had lit a fire for breakfast yet. Alicia quietly stepped through the downstairs rooms of the house, confirming her suspicions.
Surprising herself yet again, Alicia hugged her arms around herself, savouring the feeling of freedom that suddenly suffused her.I wonder what I should do?she thought, then corrected herself.What Iwantto do, that is. There’s nothing in particular I need to do, and that is a feeling to be enjoyed while it lasts.
So for once I need to figure out for myself, instead of letting Grace or Mother and Father or any of ‘society’ determine for me: what is it I want to do?
This thought was punctuated by a chorus of quacking that wafted through the open window from the direction of the barn. Alicia smiled, thinking she might have some idea of how she would like to spend her morning.
* * *
Alicia had rather meant to surprise Laurence during his chores. Seized by a strange playful urge, she had thought she would sneak up behind him, concealing her presence in the barn until she was right beside the man so she could give him a fright with her sudden appearance.
But that was hardly how it turned out.
In fact, Alicia had hardly made it halfway into the barn before Laurence noticed her—alerted by some unknowable difference in the constant lowing and chirruping of his animals, she guessed. And as soon as he wheeled about to look at her, she stopped in her tracks, utterly frozen.
Standing in a column of morning sunlight pouring in through the open loft doors, the gentle summer breeze swirling motes of golden dust around him, Laurence looked more like a divine being than a man. His tanned, masculine face was ringed in a halo of golden light, his eyes flashing as they studied her carefully. The dirt that stained his trousers and the bestial chorus that surrounded him made him appear less a country yahoo and more a spirit of the land, some potent heathen icon of fertile masculine power.
Her lighthearted deception now spoiled, Alicia drew her posture straight to greet Laurence properly. But then that damnable smile came to his face.
That peculiar grin conveyed something she could not quite place, which caught her so off guard every time it was trained in her direction. While it could be described as both patient and welcoming, it was not what she would call apolitesmile, nor a patronizing one—Alicia had certainly seen enough of each of these over her years in London.
Nor was it one of unguarded friendliness, quite, nor of unqualified admiration or respect. Somehow it seemed to her to have all those qualities wrapped up in a fascinating puzzle of an expression. Whatever was intended by Laurence’s smile, the effect was the same as always: she lost her words yet again.
Moving graciously into the silence between them, without setting down the feed pail under his arm, Laurence inclined his head in a slight greeting and said, “Good morning, Miss Ramsbury.”
Through a herculean effort, Alicia’s lip only quivered once before she set her chin and answered, “G-good morning, Mister Gillingham.”
Idiotic girl, why are you behaving like a tongue-tied child?Alicia chastised herself, her eyes darting about awkwardly.For goodness’ sake, this is the same man you’ve been speaking with for two days now—why should he strike you so different today?She knew she had even seen Laurence in his element like this before—just yesterday, though it felt like ages since she had bared her soul about her own familial problems to the man. Why was she suddenly so awestruck at the sight of him?
Again he swooped in to intervene. “If you’re looking for another tour of the land, I’m afraid it will have to wait. I really must get these chores finished before breakfast.” Laurence gestured to the baying beasts and fowl around them. “They get right cranky when they don’t get their own breakfast promptly. Much like Mary-Anne, I’ve found.”
Struggling to compose herself and quell the happy bubbling sensation within her abdomen, Alicia released a slight giggle at this last joke before she managed to firm her resolve. “No, I don’t…I wasn’t asking for…”
Words failing her, she blushed as she saw Laurence’s smile widen at the sight of her struggle. She looked away, but then her eyes fell on Laurence’s broad, muscular chest that peeked through his open collar, which hardly helped matters.
Get ahold of yourself, girl!Alicia shook her head and tried again, keeping her eyes aimed at the hay-covered floor. “Actually, I was hoping I could be of some help,” she said softly.
